Look for the people that claim to care.
Don't this gun and I make a cute pair?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look at my love for someone get severed.
May I die to be with Brittany forever?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look in my heart and see that I try.
How many ways do you want me to die?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look at this family forget I am alive.
Do you mind if the poison and I vibe?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look at my future being taken from me.
If I use this rope will you let me be?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look at the abuse I have to withstand.
Am I allowed to speed up God's plans?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look at my health run down the drain.
Can I have a bottle to drown my pain?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look at them wishing that I drop dead.
Would you too like a hole in my head?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look at what was the girl of my dreams.
Will the blade show me what life means?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look in my head and recall the past.
Should I end it all with one blast?
Yet I'll walk away...
Look at my feelings you never knew.
Did you know this is because of you?
Was this such a fun game to play?
Will this not affect your life today?
I tried to make these emotions fade.
But now I can no longer walk away...
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Newspaper Suicide - 12/7/03
"Another Tragedy" the paper reads.
The pain he felt no one ever sees.
'Fuck You World' he slowly hissed.
Front page says he will be missed.
The tears soaked on smear the ink.
He needed your love, not a shrink.
Reporters say the gun needed hid.
At eighteen he's no longer a kid.
Typed in bold lays his only desire.
"His face always showed a smile."
All the shit was fed to the towns.
They'll never recognize his frowns.
Obituaries said who got left behind.
A gun showed the joy he got to find.
He just had to see how love felt.
Now love is in lies the paper dealt.
The article must be fed to everyone.
So they can be pitied for their son.
Pictures let you pretend you care.
After it all, you were never there.
You walk on the blood stained floor.
Since tomorrow's news is at the door.
Ten years later he's lost in a book.
Maybe it's worthy of a second look.
Faded and torn rests the old news.
He was never alive for you to lose.
The pain he felt no one ever sees.
'Fuck You World' he slowly hissed.
Front page says he will be missed.
The tears soaked on smear the ink.
He needed your love, not a shrink.
Reporters say the gun needed hid.
At eighteen he's no longer a kid.
Typed in bold lays his only desire.
"His face always showed a smile."
All the shit was fed to the towns.
They'll never recognize his frowns.
Obituaries said who got left behind.
A gun showed the joy he got to find.
He just had to see how love felt.
Now love is in lies the paper dealt.
The article must be fed to everyone.
So they can be pitied for their son.
Pictures let you pretend you care.
After it all, you were never there.
You walk on the blood stained floor.
Since tomorrow's news is at the door.
Ten years later he's lost in a book.
Maybe it's worthy of a second look.
Faded and torn rests the old news.
He was never alive for you to lose.
Slut - 12/2/03
Make me a lover you kiss and bite.
Make me a beautiful whore at night.
Make me a slut of wealth and greed.
Make me a whore your fantasies need.
Make me a one night stand to forget.
Make me a parent to be in your debt.
Make me a secret to love untrue.
Make me a wasted life just like you.
Make me a sex partner you will hide.
Make me a victim to stand your lies.
Make me a toy for all your desires.
Make me a God to light your fires.
Make me a statue for your staring.
Make me a tease yet still daring.
Make me a secret to love untrue.
Make me a fashion just like you.
Make me a sex call you treat royal.
Make me a hooker that remains loyal.
Make me a cheat to fuck them all.
Make me a tramp to aid your fall.
Make me a moron misguided by lust.
Make me a memory covered in dust.
Make me a secret to love untrue.
Make me a scumbag just like you.
Make me a beautiful whore at night.
Make me a slut of wealth and greed.
Make me a whore your fantasies need.
Make me a one night stand to forget.
Make me a parent to be in your debt.
Make me a secret to love untrue.
Make me a wasted life just like you.
Make me a sex partner you will hide.
Make me a victim to stand your lies.
Make me a toy for all your desires.
Make me a God to light your fires.
Make me a statue for your staring.
Make me a tease yet still daring.
Make me a secret to love untrue.
Make me a fashion just like you.
Make me a sex call you treat royal.
Make me a hooker that remains loyal.
Make me a cheat to fuck them all.
Make me a tramp to aid your fall.
Make me a moron misguided by lust.
Make me a memory covered in dust.
Make me a secret to love untrue.
Make me a scumbag just like you.
Rejected - 11/25/03
Slap me in the face, pull it away.
Curse me to hell, deny all you say.
Tell me to die, say it's not true.
Replace me, say it's not through.
Take all I have, still not enough.
Destroy my name, say luck's tough.
Claim to love me, but hate my guts,
Try to help, you declare me nuts.
Lend a hand, say it's too frail.
Tell a secret, use it as blackmail.
Teasing me, calling me the only one.
Abuse me, your friends find it fun.
Ask for help, to call me a waste.
Degrade me, expect a smiling face.
Call me stupid, but need advice.
Attempted murder, you're so nice.
Dial my number, make a few threats.
I quit caring, you won your bets.
Backstab me, swear it's all fair.
Death has come, for you said dare.
Curse me to hell, deny all you say.
Tell me to die, say it's not true.
Replace me, say it's not through.
Take all I have, still not enough.
Destroy my name, say luck's tough.
Claim to love me, but hate my guts,
Try to help, you declare me nuts.
Lend a hand, say it's too frail.
Tell a secret, use it as blackmail.
Teasing me, calling me the only one.
Abuse me, your friends find it fun.
Ask for help, to call me a waste.
Degrade me, expect a smiling face.
Call me stupid, but need advice.
Attempted murder, you're so nice.
Dial my number, make a few threats.
I quit caring, you won your bets.
Backstab me, swear it's all fair.
Death has come, for you said dare.
Listen - 11/23/03
I can't express to you how I feel.
Must I kiss your feet and kneel?
You hope what I say is just a joke,
And inhale it as just another toke.
Everything I tell you that is true,
Falls behind the spotlight of you.
As the ears shut to avoid the fire,
Your mouth opens to call me a liar.
This apathy irks me on the inside,
As you force my feelings to hide.
It is a wall of ice to break thru,
To even get my point across to you.
I was the accuser now I'm accused,
Since you won't consider my views.
You always make me feel like shit,
And you don't care the first bit.
You overreact to every last word,
Even my goodbyes were overheard.
You always deny that you need me,
So my help is what you never see.
You say my words you can't ingest.
Could you as I was laid to rest?
What if all I was trying to say,
Was I really did love you today?
Must I kiss your feet and kneel?
You hope what I say is just a joke,
And inhale it as just another toke.
Everything I tell you that is true,
Falls behind the spotlight of you.
As the ears shut to avoid the fire,
Your mouth opens to call me a liar.
This apathy irks me on the inside,
As you force my feelings to hide.
It is a wall of ice to break thru,
To even get my point across to you.
I was the accuser now I'm accused,
Since you won't consider my views.
You always make me feel like shit,
And you don't care the first bit.
You overreact to every last word,
Even my goodbyes were overheard.
You always deny that you need me,
So my help is what you never see.
You say my words you can't ingest.
Could you as I was laid to rest?
What if all I was trying to say,
Was I really did love you today?
Short Love Story - 11/23/03
Differentiate,
Love and hate.
Don't realize,
All your lies.
Try to scream,
Lost in dream.
Hide the love,
Hit and shove.
What am I now?
Fucked up how?
We don't care,
Love's a dare.
I had no plan,
You're a scam.
Living in sin,
Pain to begin.
Lost the path,
You can laugh.
Drowning here,
Death is near.
Will is broke,
Love's a joke.
Claim to care,
Try and share.
I am genocide,
We'll confide.
I don't trust,
Underage lust.
Differentiate,
Love and fate.
Love and hate.
Don't realize,
All your lies.
Try to scream,
Lost in dream.
Hide the love,
Hit and shove.
What am I now?
Fucked up how?
We don't care,
Love's a dare.
I had no plan,
You're a scam.
Living in sin,
Pain to begin.
Lost the path,
You can laugh.
Drowning here,
Death is near.
Will is broke,
Love's a joke.
Claim to care,
Try and share.
I am genocide,
We'll confide.
I don't trust,
Underage lust.
Differentiate,
Love and fate.
Fell In Love - 11/18/03
Fell in love with a beautiful chick?
No, Fell in love with an abusive bitch.
Fell in love with a wonderful friend?
No, Fell in love with the money I lend.
Fell in love with the life I live?
No, Fell in love with the pain you give.
Fell in love with your kind heart?
No, Fell in love with deceiving art.
Fell in love with voices in my head?
No, Fell in love with the knife's edge.
Fell in love with the liquor in hand?
No, Fell in love with our inferior land.
Fell in love with my own traits?
No, Fell in love with my hollow space.
Fell in love with a family system?
No, Fell in love with our long distance.
Fell in love with a natural gift?
No, Fell in love with your bullshit.
Fell in love with a shiny new gun?
No, fell in love with a little sick fun.
Fell in love with life's pleasures?
No, Fell in love with nothing you treasure.
No, Fell in love with an abusive bitch.
Fell in love with a wonderful friend?
No, Fell in love with the money I lend.
Fell in love with the life I live?
No, Fell in love with the pain you give.
Fell in love with your kind heart?
No, Fell in love with deceiving art.
Fell in love with voices in my head?
No, Fell in love with the knife's edge.
Fell in love with the liquor in hand?
No, Fell in love with our inferior land.
Fell in love with my own traits?
No, Fell in love with my hollow space.
Fell in love with a family system?
No, Fell in love with our long distance.
Fell in love with a natural gift?
No, Fell in love with your bullshit.
Fell in love with a shiny new gun?
No, fell in love with a little sick fun.
Fell in love with life's pleasures?
No, Fell in love with nothing you treasure.
Flesh & Blood - 11/16/03
A toddler dies in a troubled home,
Why do you act like he was unknown?
You created life to raise as yours,
But you're too busy fucking whores.
How can you watch your own son pass,
To worry about drugs, then him last.
I took pictures from the side view,
So I have the memory to curse you.
When your own flesh and blood dies,
You're bloodshot eyes need to cry.
Is today's high so God damned good?
Or am I badly fucken misunderstood?
How does it hurt me more then you?
Since this is a child I never knew.
Will he not ever be truly missed?
Or are you proud parents for this?
He's doing great in a better place,
Now he is loved with a clean face.
If we have God turning the screws,
Why did he let you fucks reproduce?
Why do you act like he was unknown?
You created life to raise as yours,
But you're too busy fucking whores.
How can you watch your own son pass,
To worry about drugs, then him last.
I took pictures from the side view,
So I have the memory to curse you.
When your own flesh and blood dies,
You're bloodshot eyes need to cry.
Is today's high so God damned good?
Or am I badly fucken misunderstood?
How does it hurt me more then you?
Since this is a child I never knew.
Will he not ever be truly missed?
Or are you proud parents for this?
He's doing great in a better place,
Now he is loved with a clean face.
If we have God turning the screws,
Why did he let you fucks reproduce?
Sleep - 11/15/03
These drugs help ease me back to sleep,
As I'm killed by promises I didn't keep.
Today's motivation was found in my bed.
It's the only way I can pacify my head.
I wake up to fall asleep all over again.
A pillow or a gun is now my only friend.
A companion to hold is great too I hear.
But that is a joy that I'll never feel.
Bad health suffocates me back to sleep.
If I'm lucky I'll awaken six feet deep.
Eight hours to bury such an ugly face,
And I wondered why you call me a waste.
Tears soak these sheets without a try.
It is the souls way of begging to die.
A warm bed is all that's worth seeing,
When I live in a life without meaning.
Most brag about their great sex in bed,
I brag how I can enjoy being this dead.
I hide under covers like a beat child,
Fearing you'll beg me to crack a smile.
I curse the alarm clock as it screams,
For my only happiness comes in dreams.
As I'm killed by promises I didn't keep.
Today's motivation was found in my bed.
It's the only way I can pacify my head.
I wake up to fall asleep all over again.
A pillow or a gun is now my only friend.
A companion to hold is great too I hear.
But that is a joy that I'll never feel.
Bad health suffocates me back to sleep.
If I'm lucky I'll awaken six feet deep.
Eight hours to bury such an ugly face,
And I wondered why you call me a waste.
Tears soak these sheets without a try.
It is the souls way of begging to die.
A warm bed is all that's worth seeing,
When I live in a life without meaning.
Most brag about their great sex in bed,
I brag how I can enjoy being this dead.
I hide under covers like a beat child,
Fearing you'll beg me to crack a smile.
I curse the alarm clock as it screams,
For my only happiness comes in dreams.
Father - 11/6/03
My hate goes to the mentor I never had.
I have the pleasure of calling you dad.
I can't take the good with the bad now,
Since the bad buries me in your shadow.
You aren't mature enough to have a son,
A daughter, or a wife when you act one.
Putting food on the table matters not.
As long as you have a fresh bag of pot.
Is marijuana all your life is about?
If you have priorities, I have doubts.
You lose jobs all to smoke a joint,
Don't I have some kind of valid point?
You think a concert or two is a reward.
It can never erase hate I have stored.
No matter much you dislike each other,
I'm confident I'm loved by my mother.
Would it hurt you to speak the truth?
You fucked up and have no more to lose.
How do you call yourself a good parent?
If all of your lies are so transparent.
You are a legend only in your own mind.
Ever since reality left you far behind.
Thank you for being a role model to me,
You taught me what I never want to be.
Other then people you brought to tears,
What can you show for forty-five years?
I have the pleasure of calling you dad.
I can't take the good with the bad now,
Since the bad buries me in your shadow.
You aren't mature enough to have a son,
A daughter, or a wife when you act one.
Putting food on the table matters not.
As long as you have a fresh bag of pot.
Is marijuana all your life is about?
If you have priorities, I have doubts.
You lose jobs all to smoke a joint,
Don't I have some kind of valid point?
You think a concert or two is a reward.
It can never erase hate I have stored.
No matter much you dislike each other,
I'm confident I'm loved by my mother.
Would it hurt you to speak the truth?
You fucked up and have no more to lose.
How do you call yourself a good parent?
If all of your lies are so transparent.
You are a legend only in your own mind.
Ever since reality left you far behind.
Thank you for being a role model to me,
You taught me what I never want to be.
Other then people you brought to tears,
What can you show for forty-five years?
S.U.I.C.I.D.E. - 11/2/03
[S]cream at the thought of tomorrow.
[U]ninspired to live in this sorrow.
[I]nternals pour blood like the Nile.
[C]racked heart as bad as my smile.
[I]nside we are all ugly anyways.
[D]on't count down my final days.
[E]ventually we'll all drift away.
[S]lapped in the face by humanity.
[U]nder the surface I'm panicking.
[I]nside this is what I deserved,
[C]ounting days pointlessly served.
[I]nside we are all ugly anyways.
[D]on't count down my final days.
[E]ventually we'll all fade away.
[S]trangling just to stay alive.
[U]ndying is the pain I can't hide.
[I]nsatiable need to feel loved,
[C]rushed by those powers above.
[I]nside we are all ugly anyways.
[D]on't count down my final days.
[E]ventually we'll all hide away.
[S]uicide is the easiest escape.
[U]ntil I find life without hate.
[I]n this world I'm left behind.
[C]omfort is the joy I won't find.
[I]nside we are all ugly anyways.
[D]on't count down my final days.
[E]ventually we'll all pass away.
[U]ninspired to live in this sorrow.
[I]nternals pour blood like the Nile.
[C]racked heart as bad as my smile.
[I]nside we are all ugly anyways.
[D]on't count down my final days.
[E]ventually we'll all drift away.
[S]lapped in the face by humanity.
[U]nder the surface I'm panicking.
[I]nside this is what I deserved,
[C]ounting days pointlessly served.
[I]nside we are all ugly anyways.
[D]on't count down my final days.
[E]ventually we'll all fade away.
[S]trangling just to stay alive.
[U]ndying is the pain I can't hide.
[I]nsatiable need to feel loved,
[C]rushed by those powers above.
[I]nside we are all ugly anyways.
[D]on't count down my final days.
[E]ventually we'll all hide away.
[S]uicide is the easiest escape.
[U]ntil I find life without hate.
[I]n this world I'm left behind.
[C]omfort is the joy I won't find.
[I]nside we are all ugly anyways.
[D]on't count down my final days.
[E]ventually we'll all pass away.
Smile For Me - 10/29/03
Shadows on the wall portray us as equal.
My appearance being shamed is a sequel.
Inside I'm just a fucked up adolescent boy.
Let me get out of sight like a broken toy.
Eaten alive by your eyes I am in hell.
Finally I know there is no key to my cell.
Outside you know you are superior to me.
Run away and show off your smile please.
Maybe one day I'll deserve to look proud.
Even if it's yelling your name out loud.
Bewildered how your face shines to all.
Even though my dignity takes your fall.
Crushed seeing you is my only emotion.
All of this should end soon is my notion.
Under cold soil is where I need to lay,
So I'm beautifully fake like you today.
Each of us need a soul to whom we confide.
I'll wake up to feel my drained heart cry.
Can you smile for me just one last time?
All because I can never have that shine.
Now that there is a smile on your face.
These dead emotions are laid to waste.
My appearance being shamed is a sequel.
Inside I'm just a fucked up adolescent boy.
Let me get out of sight like a broken toy.
Eaten alive by your eyes I am in hell.
Finally I know there is no key to my cell.
Outside you know you are superior to me.
Run away and show off your smile please.
Maybe one day I'll deserve to look proud.
Even if it's yelling your name out loud.
Bewildered how your face shines to all.
Even though my dignity takes your fall.
Crushed seeing you is my only emotion.
All of this should end soon is my notion.
Under cold soil is where I need to lay,
So I'm beautifully fake like you today.
Each of us need a soul to whom we confide.
I'll wake up to feel my drained heart cry.
Can you smile for me just one last time?
All because I can never have that shine.
Now that there is a smile on your face.
These dead emotions are laid to waste.
Take Back - 10/28/03
Take back everything that you did that night.
In your heart do you still feel it is right?
Will you ever be hurt inside for one choice?
Or do only I die at the sound of your voice?
Now that you have some new slave to cater,
Do you still remember me eight months later?
Take back all the times you kicked me around.
Did you expect me to go down without a sound?
Karma is finally back to settle all our debts.
All this time later my mind will be at rest.
Were you able to replace me without trouble?
I'd hate to watch reality burst your bubble.
Take back everytime you cursed my name aloud.
One day someone will push you off your cloud.
I know well that we were never meant to be.
But your love was never supposed to be free.
Now I swear your name back into my mattress.
Since I'll always fucken hate you for this.
Take back knowing I existed on this planet.
Just finish taking your life for granted.
In your heart do you still feel it is right?
Will you ever be hurt inside for one choice?
Or do only I die at the sound of your voice?
Now that you have some new slave to cater,
Do you still remember me eight months later?
Take back all the times you kicked me around.
Did you expect me to go down without a sound?
Karma is finally back to settle all our debts.
All this time later my mind will be at rest.
Were you able to replace me without trouble?
I'd hate to watch reality burst your bubble.
Take back everytime you cursed my name aloud.
One day someone will push you off your cloud.
I know well that we were never meant to be.
But your love was never supposed to be free.
Now I swear your name back into my mattress.
Since I'll always fucken hate you for this.
Take back knowing I existed on this planet.
Just finish taking your life for granted.
Last Friend - 10/25/03
All of my thoughts, hopes and dreams,
Have been torn apart at the seams.
There is nothing you can do to help.
My begging for help was never felt.
You think everything is your fault.
And I can't convince you it's not.
You apologize for no apparent reason.
And claiming to love me is treason.
There is only one thing left to try.
And that is getting you off my side.
I'm shamed into being your friend.
But you never want to see me again.
You think if you let me go I'll die.
But you don't know how much I hide.
Conscience keeps you from letting go.
And hides emotions you'll never show.
Why do you want to change my world?
You're just a troubled little girl.
All you've done to help me survive,
Is brag all about your perfect life.
I can't come out and say to leave.
Since I am but another loser in need.
You lie and say you need me happy.
And all you can do is laugh at me.
Everything you've ever laughed about,
You think is a joke without a doubt.
All this time you think I'm kidding.
You assume laughing is only fitting.
Your closed eyes will never see that,
My life is what you are laughing at.
The last friend I hope to ever have,
Will truly accept my clenching hand.
Have been torn apart at the seams.
There is nothing you can do to help.
My begging for help was never felt.
You think everything is your fault.
And I can't convince you it's not.
You apologize for no apparent reason.
And claiming to love me is treason.
There is only one thing left to try.
And that is getting you off my side.
I'm shamed into being your friend.
But you never want to see me again.
You think if you let me go I'll die.
But you don't know how much I hide.
Conscience keeps you from letting go.
And hides emotions you'll never show.
Why do you want to change my world?
You're just a troubled little girl.
All you've done to help me survive,
Is brag all about your perfect life.
I can't come out and say to leave.
Since I am but another loser in need.
You lie and say you need me happy.
And all you can do is laugh at me.
Everything you've ever laughed about,
You think is a joke without a doubt.
All this time you think I'm kidding.
You assume laughing is only fitting.
Your closed eyes will never see that,
My life is what you are laughing at.
The last friend I hope to ever have,
Will truly accept my clenching hand.
Beautiful - 10/21/03
"I'll be just as beautiful as you when I'm dead,
And I'll finally be happy then." Is all I said.
Now I hang from a fictional cross at your mercy.
The agony doesn't compare to how you've hurt me.
How do you know you're so great on the inside?
All you have to show is a soul rotten from pride.
A smile will come from my face I assure you that.
Even if you are long dead as a matter of fact.
You won't call me evil when I faked that smile.
'Til these eyes burn gold in those of your child.
Oh God how I'm so envious of your fasion trends.
Since it can cover up the heart no glue mends.
Keep believing you wear a halo and angel wings.
You're so fucken special as I pull your strings.
I'll never have any of the rape appeal you will.
But I'll make sure these strings hold you still.
People live a lifetime to be as gorgeous as you.
I'm scarred ugly for the shit you put me through.
We're equally ugly now that your skin is opaque.
Nothing to live for if we all see you are fake.
"I'm beautiful like you since we're really dead."
"Life is an illusion," I finally smiled and said.
And I'll finally be happy then." Is all I said.
Now I hang from a fictional cross at your mercy.
The agony doesn't compare to how you've hurt me.
How do you know you're so great on the inside?
All you have to show is a soul rotten from pride.
A smile will come from my face I assure you that.
Even if you are long dead as a matter of fact.
You won't call me evil when I faked that smile.
'Til these eyes burn gold in those of your child.
Oh God how I'm so envious of your fasion trends.
Since it can cover up the heart no glue mends.
Keep believing you wear a halo and angel wings.
You're so fucken special as I pull your strings.
I'll never have any of the rape appeal you will.
But I'll make sure these strings hold you still.
People live a lifetime to be as gorgeous as you.
I'm scarred ugly for the shit you put me through.
We're equally ugly now that your skin is opaque.
Nothing to live for if we all see you are fake.
"I'm beautiful like you since we're really dead."
"Life is an illusion," I finally smiled and said.
FREEway - 10/18/03
Eyes glued to glazed yellow lines.
Drunk drivers riding close behind.
Disobeying stop signs and the laws.
The cops will have us by the balls.
Pointing at a Porsche seating two.
John Walsh mentioned them on A.M.W.
Mechanical suicide on the freeway.
The best way there is to get away.
The color red is shown on the light.
Foot to the floor, forget hindsight.
Inhale the smog we're proud to make.
Gaze at our humanity being so fake.
The radio screams all the same ads.
SUV's contain the latest teen fads.
Eyes closed cruising on the freeway.
It's the real way you can get away.
Support the government and drive.
Since your demand keeps fuel high.
Relax in your fake leather seats.
Stuck in traffic in the summer heat.
Hormone driven teens have to go race.
It might erase pimples on their face.
A moron in his import on the freeway,
Just hit by a bus is great get away.
Old women crawling at twenty below,
Makes this deathtrip seem so slow.
The sights and smells of roadkill,
Nice enough to send all kids chills.
Potholes big enough to be graves,
Lets some fast food soil your face.
Passing the short bus on the freeway,
You realize you're not too far away.
Go drive your expensive metal weapon.
To wreck by the phone you depend on.
Depressed old men leave a local bar.
To ensure a risk of driving your car.
My stereo screams the music you hate.
Now together we can enjoy road rage.
Riding in a hearse on the freeway,
Is the most you will ever get away.
Drunk drivers riding close behind.
Disobeying stop signs and the laws.
The cops will have us by the balls.
Pointing at a Porsche seating two.
John Walsh mentioned them on A.M.W.
Mechanical suicide on the freeway.
The best way there is to get away.
The color red is shown on the light.
Foot to the floor, forget hindsight.
Inhale the smog we're proud to make.
Gaze at our humanity being so fake.
The radio screams all the same ads.
SUV's contain the latest teen fads.
Eyes closed cruising on the freeway.
It's the real way you can get away.
Support the government and drive.
Since your demand keeps fuel high.
Relax in your fake leather seats.
Stuck in traffic in the summer heat.
Hormone driven teens have to go race.
It might erase pimples on their face.
A moron in his import on the freeway,
Just hit by a bus is great get away.
Old women crawling at twenty below,
Makes this deathtrip seem so slow.
The sights and smells of roadkill,
Nice enough to send all kids chills.
Potholes big enough to be graves,
Lets some fast food soil your face.
Passing the short bus on the freeway,
You realize you're not too far away.
Go drive your expensive metal weapon.
To wreck by the phone you depend on.
Depressed old men leave a local bar.
To ensure a risk of driving your car.
My stereo screams the music you hate.
Now together we can enjoy road rage.
Riding in a hearse on the freeway,
Is the most you will ever get away.
Kill Yourself - 10/14/03
If everyone wants me to commit suicide,
Why would you actually care if I died?
You say my life sucks, how do you know?
Why should you give a fuck where I go?
Boost your esteem off of someone else.
I'll never look up to you for help.
As 'Kill yourself' comes from your mouth,
Does your conscience make you proud?
Would it ever strike you if I listened,
And TV shows my corpse in the distance?
I'm past giving a fuck of who it hurts,
It's just another one of lifes turns.
You are all that matters as I bleed,
So I hope the events fill you with glee.
Thank you for pointing that finger.
Same one that just pulled my trigger.
You thought life was just a giant game.
What if murderer is your new nickname?
'Fuck you' was once a harmless saying,
But now 'Kill yourself' isn't playing.
Why would you actually care if I died?
You say my life sucks, how do you know?
Why should you give a fuck where I go?
Boost your esteem off of someone else.
I'll never look up to you for help.
As 'Kill yourself' comes from your mouth,
Does your conscience make you proud?
Would it ever strike you if I listened,
And TV shows my corpse in the distance?
I'm past giving a fuck of who it hurts,
It's just another one of lifes turns.
You are all that matters as I bleed,
So I hope the events fill you with glee.
Thank you for pointing that finger.
Same one that just pulled my trigger.
You thought life was just a giant game.
What if murderer is your new nickname?
'Fuck you' was once a harmless saying,
But now 'Kill yourself' isn't playing.
Not Your Victim - 10/14/03
Not about to be called a push off,
Not going to suffer for being soft.
Not about to get fucked and smile.
Not going to put this soul on trial.
Not about to ask for any assistance.
Not going to decrease our distance.
Not about to try keeping you close.
Not going to choke on another dose.
Not about to think this is a favor.
Not going to feel the joy you savor.
Not about to see the grin you make.
Not going to ever be nearly as fake.
Not about to lend the helping hand.
Not going to love you on demand.
Not about to satisfy you anymore.
Not going to be a pocket you adore.
Not about to be your next culprit.
Not going to be left dead like shit.
Not about to lose a wink of sleep.
Not going to be a toy you'll keep.
Not about to let anyone else steer.
Not going to repeat as a volunteer.
Not about to take another beating.
Not going to be left here bleeding.
Not about to listen to your wisdom.
Not going to repeat as your victim.
Not going to suffer for being soft.
Not about to get fucked and smile.
Not going to put this soul on trial.
Not about to ask for any assistance.
Not going to decrease our distance.
Not about to try keeping you close.
Not going to choke on another dose.
Not about to think this is a favor.
Not going to feel the joy you savor.
Not about to see the grin you make.
Not going to ever be nearly as fake.
Not about to lend the helping hand.
Not going to love you on demand.
Not about to satisfy you anymore.
Not going to be a pocket you adore.
Not about to be your next culprit.
Not going to be left dead like shit.
Not about to lose a wink of sleep.
Not going to be a toy you'll keep.
Not about to let anyone else steer.
Not going to repeat as a volunteer.
Not about to take another beating.
Not going to be left here bleeding.
Not about to listen to your wisdom.
Not going to repeat as your victim.
Mystery Family - 10/11/03
What have I done to deserve existance?
All life ever has been is resistance.
Do I enjoy being caught in the middle?
Because my family cares very little.
I never could have imagined this deal.
Nothing else matters but having a meal.
It's ashame how my mom resents me so.
Since I won't play in her drama show.
Only I'm supposed to forget everything,
And learn to love an untrustful being.
Glad that I learned to resent my father.
Since he's too stoned to care or bother.
It's nice dad wishes I was never here,
And pleas for his daughter to live near.
If I don't wander away from here to die,
I might spend money that gets them high.
If I only kept out of my mom's business,
I might not despise her for all of this.
What more am I then a few dollars a week,
That your weed dealer would rather keep?
How can you pretend to know me so well?
How can you not notice that I am in hell?
You just think that everything is alright,
When I soak my pillow in tears at night.
Everything I've done in these few years,
Is run away from my one deepest fear.
So I'd take the bit of time I had to pray.
I will never be like my parents one day.
My own family can call me a fucken freak.
Though I'll always call them a mystery.
All life ever has been is resistance.
Do I enjoy being caught in the middle?
Because my family cares very little.
I never could have imagined this deal.
Nothing else matters but having a meal.
It's ashame how my mom resents me so.
Since I won't play in her drama show.
Only I'm supposed to forget everything,
And learn to love an untrustful being.
Glad that I learned to resent my father.
Since he's too stoned to care or bother.
It's nice dad wishes I was never here,
And pleas for his daughter to live near.
If I don't wander away from here to die,
I might spend money that gets them high.
If I only kept out of my mom's business,
I might not despise her for all of this.
What more am I then a few dollars a week,
That your weed dealer would rather keep?
How can you pretend to know me so well?
How can you not notice that I am in hell?
You just think that everything is alright,
When I soak my pillow in tears at night.
Everything I've done in these few years,
Is run away from my one deepest fear.
So I'd take the bit of time I had to pray.
I will never be like my parents one day.
My own family can call me a fucken freak.
Though I'll always call them a mystery.
Broken Glass - 10/4/03
Just admit I'll never make you happy.
Only because you're all I can't be.
No one will ever swallow their pride,
And know me without trying to hide.
I'm sorry if I seem so down on life.
Maybe I just know what's real tonight.
What if I'm not really a pessimist?
It's just you're not used to this.
Can I not share an unbiased view?
Or must I share everything with you?
How can you tell me you love me so,
And say my outlook makes you let go?
How can you hate me just like you do?
And love me too much to come unglued?
I tell you my glass isn't half empty.
And you can not half fill it for me.
For you pissing in it, I'm flattered,
Too bad my glass is already shattered.
How do you dream of a future so bleak?
When you can defy every word I speak.
Should I smile as I'm being used?
To say 'I love you too' as I'm abused.
Let me hold you close to push you away.
So lying about love is all we will say.
The ice I have wrapped around my heart,
Makes me not care what shit you start.
The fire in my soul makes my body burn.
So I feel nothing as your knife turns.
Can things ever change for the better?
As I sign in blood to end this letter.
Only because you're all I can't be.
No one will ever swallow their pride,
And know me without trying to hide.
I'm sorry if I seem so down on life.
Maybe I just know what's real tonight.
What if I'm not really a pessimist?
It's just you're not used to this.
Can I not share an unbiased view?
Or must I share everything with you?
How can you tell me you love me so,
And say my outlook makes you let go?
How can you hate me just like you do?
And love me too much to come unglued?
I tell you my glass isn't half empty.
And you can not half fill it for me.
For you pissing in it, I'm flattered,
Too bad my glass is already shattered.
How do you dream of a future so bleak?
When you can defy every word I speak.
Should I smile as I'm being used?
To say 'I love you too' as I'm abused.
Let me hold you close to push you away.
So lying about love is all we will say.
The ice I have wrapped around my heart,
Makes me not care what shit you start.
The fire in my soul makes my body burn.
So I feel nothing as your knife turns.
Can things ever change for the better?
As I sign in blood to end this letter.
Money Bought - 10/3/03
You slowly tear at me like papercuts.
And you clearly can never get enough.
I am nothing special as you know.
But you have too much fun to let go.
Solace comes through what you buy.
Too bad you're nothing when you die.
Houses, cars, clothes and friends,
Is the happiness your money rents.
Still you can make me seem like shit,
Complaining how you need more of it.
Never do I hope to be quite like you,
When cash influences everything I do.
I do want to buy the smirk on my face,
By making others feel like a disgrace.
If I ever have anything that you need,
Your money won't ever buy shit from me.
If I had the cure for your sickness,
I'd never let you touch any of this.
Cure yourself and don't hide the lies,
Dollars are everything in your eyes.
Would the Midas touch be your dream?
Where the earth you touch will gleam?
And then the dirt will glisten gold.
So you are happy being dead and cold.
And you clearly can never get enough.
I am nothing special as you know.
But you have too much fun to let go.
Solace comes through what you buy.
Too bad you're nothing when you die.
Houses, cars, clothes and friends,
Is the happiness your money rents.
Still you can make me seem like shit,
Complaining how you need more of it.
Never do I hope to be quite like you,
When cash influences everything I do.
I do want to buy the smirk on my face,
By making others feel like a disgrace.
If I ever have anything that you need,
Your money won't ever buy shit from me.
If I had the cure for your sickness,
I'd never let you touch any of this.
Cure yourself and don't hide the lies,
Dollars are everything in your eyes.
Would the Midas touch be your dream?
Where the earth you touch will gleam?
And then the dirt will glisten gold.
So you are happy being dead and cold.
God Is - 9/27/03
God is the television that we adore.
God is the disease of a street whore.
God is smiling on your dollar bill.
God is there when you go to kill.
God is in the terrorist's plane.
God is all of Hitler's sick fame.
God is the tetnus in the nails.
God is suicide when all else fails.
God is the psycho dog with rabies.
God is the teen carrying babies.
God is a pen writing bomb threats.
God is cocaine snorted in excess.
God is the fire burning your house.
God is the liar instilling doubts.
God is making your husband cheat.
God is food poisoning in your meat.
God is the drunk driver on the road.
God is slowly sinking your boat.
God is kidnapping your loved ones.
God is the skin cancer in the sun.
God is almighty, great and supreme.
God is fucking up this life we need.
God is the disease of a street whore.
God is smiling on your dollar bill.
God is there when you go to kill.
God is in the terrorist's plane.
God is all of Hitler's sick fame.
God is the tetnus in the nails.
God is suicide when all else fails.
God is the psycho dog with rabies.
God is the teen carrying babies.
God is a pen writing bomb threats.
God is cocaine snorted in excess.
God is the fire burning your house.
God is the liar instilling doubts.
God is making your husband cheat.
God is food poisoning in your meat.
God is the drunk driver on the road.
God is slowly sinking your boat.
God is kidnapping your loved ones.
God is the skin cancer in the sun.
God is almighty, great and supreme.
God is fucking up this life we need.
If I (Rewind) - 9/24/03
If I was able to live all over again,
I would have learned what life meant.
If I were to rewind every bit of this,
I would still hate every conformist.
If I could relive a minute at a time,
I would still call humanity a crime.
If I went back to when I was young,
I would hate all that I've ever done.
If I could climb back into the womb,
I would predict this world is doomed.
If I was still stuck in the past,
I would laugh at the evil we cast.
If I lived in the eyes of a child,
I would soak up your hatred a while.
If I lived in someone else's eyes.
I would be overlooked by your lies.
If I had to walk in anyone's shoes,
I would just be a new person to use.
If I was reborn innocent and loved,
I would envy your abusive God above.
If I was given just one last shot,
I would still hate what I am not.
I would have learned what life meant.
If I were to rewind every bit of this,
I would still hate every conformist.
If I could relive a minute at a time,
I would still call humanity a crime.
If I went back to when I was young,
I would hate all that I've ever done.
If I could climb back into the womb,
I would predict this world is doomed.
If I was still stuck in the past,
I would laugh at the evil we cast.
If I lived in the eyes of a child,
I would soak up your hatred a while.
If I lived in someone else's eyes.
I would be overlooked by your lies.
If I had to walk in anyone's shoes,
I would just be a new person to use.
If I was reborn innocent and loved,
I would envy your abusive God above.
If I was given just one last shot,
I would still hate what I am not.
Whoricane - 9/3/03
Your own ignorance is your bliss,
So when you fail why be pissed?
Don't severe my helping hand,
You should listen while you can.
I'm sure I would feel bad too,
If I needed attention as bad as you.
It's not my problem your life sucks,
When I warned you of these fucks.
If all you offer is money and sex,
Isn't this scum what you'd expect?
I'm sure I would feel bad too,
If I was desperate for love like you.
I hope one day you hear my advice,
Since I know what being alone is like.
True love is far fetched at this age,
So stop throwing away sleep everyday.
I'm sure I would feel bad too,
If I let myself be used like you.
Join the whoricane of girls in line,
Who need love but waste their time.
You'll find what you are looking for,
The day you don't have to be a whore.
I'm sure I would feel bad too,
If I was as insecure about love as you.
So when you fail why be pissed?
Don't severe my helping hand,
You should listen while you can.
I'm sure I would feel bad too,
If I needed attention as bad as you.
It's not my problem your life sucks,
When I warned you of these fucks.
If all you offer is money and sex,
Isn't this scum what you'd expect?
I'm sure I would feel bad too,
If I was desperate for love like you.
I hope one day you hear my advice,
Since I know what being alone is like.
True love is far fetched at this age,
So stop throwing away sleep everyday.
I'm sure I would feel bad too,
If I let myself be used like you.
Join the whoricane of girls in line,
Who need love but waste their time.
You'll find what you are looking for,
The day you don't have to be a whore.
I'm sure I would feel bad too,
If I was as insecure about love as you.
Brittany - 9/3/03
Smiling when I talked to you was habitual.
Expressing how much we cared was a ritual.
I'll always consider you my best friend,
Who I will love dearly until the very end.
You're the only person I can ever lean on.
And then I'm told it could soon all be gone.
Only you have kept me from ending it all,
But you can't be the one to take the fall.
Just once you didn't say you loved me back,
Don't let that be the last chance you had.
I didn't mind since you were in a hurry,
It's just I don't want that haunting me.
Will I live the rest of my life in regret,
Of the things we accidentally left unsaid?
No matter what happens from here on out,
You'll always be the best without a doubt.
No matter how far we're separated by air,
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.
You will always be plastered in my heart,
So I promise you we'll never be far apart.
Everyone but you took this life for granted,
Yet this is still the reward you're handed.
You are a much stronger person than I,
For even making it seventeen years in life.
Expressing how much we cared was a ritual.
I'll always consider you my best friend,
Who I will love dearly until the very end.
You're the only person I can ever lean on.
And then I'm told it could soon all be gone.
Only you have kept me from ending it all,
But you can't be the one to take the fall.
Just once you didn't say you loved me back,
Don't let that be the last chance you had.
I didn't mind since you were in a hurry,
It's just I don't want that haunting me.
Will I live the rest of my life in regret,
Of the things we accidentally left unsaid?
No matter what happens from here on out,
You'll always be the best without a doubt.
No matter how far we're separated by air,
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.
You will always be plastered in my heart,
So I promise you we'll never be far apart.
Everyone but you took this life for granted,
Yet this is still the reward you're handed.
You are a much stronger person than I,
For even making it seventeen years in life.
Silent Prayer - 8/27/03
Glory be to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
That kills the things we hold dearest.
Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name,
Rub it in that we can't play your wicked game.
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee,
Why can't your Lord ever directly affect me?
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
The same God that can't help my pleads.
Will we always pray if no one answers?
For a funeral of angelic winged dancers?
Isn't God here to die for our mistakes?
Not to drown feelingless babies in lakes?
Doesn't God have power to remove our shame?
Or let all of the innocent die on a plane?
Doesn't prayer give poor kids food and toys?
Or instill Priests power to fuck altar boys?
Can you really beg God to give you feedback?
If he can't get teens to quit smoking crack?
Is this horrible world part of some plan?
Or does no one really have control over man?
Are we all wasting our time fearing death?
Although when we die there is nothing left.
If this is my question up to the clouds,
Will someone answer me to remove all doubts?
That kills the things we hold dearest.
Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name,
Rub it in that we can't play your wicked game.
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee,
Why can't your Lord ever directly affect me?
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
The same God that can't help my pleads.
Will we always pray if no one answers?
For a funeral of angelic winged dancers?
Isn't God here to die for our mistakes?
Not to drown feelingless babies in lakes?
Doesn't God have power to remove our shame?
Or let all of the innocent die on a plane?
Doesn't prayer give poor kids food and toys?
Or instill Priests power to fuck altar boys?
Can you really beg God to give you feedback?
If he can't get teens to quit smoking crack?
Is this horrible world part of some plan?
Or does no one really have control over man?
Are we all wasting our time fearing death?
Although when we die there is nothing left.
If this is my question up to the clouds,
Will someone answer me to remove all doubts?
Ease My Pain - 8/17/03
Dear whoever I beg you please,
Somehow let me die at ease.
If I am to die in my sleep,
Please don't let anyone weep.
If I do live to see the sunrise,
Let's not be hidden in your lies.
All this life needs is a change,
But we are both too deranged.
18 years of life passed in vain.
What is there to ease my pain?
I need you to save what's left.
You are the life I haven't met.
Your perfection is out of reach.
To hold you now is all I beseech.
I'll die over and over again,
If it made my broken heart mend.
Reality is fake and so am I.
What is true? I can't identify.
Have my aspires all been slain?
Can't drugs help ease my pain?
Is there still an honest soul?
Will I ever have self-control?
Is a new day even worth seeing,
If life will never have meaning?
If music is what keeps me alive,
What will I do when radio dies?
Life is full of sorrow and doubt,
But joy is what I live without.
Will I finish my life in shame?
Or can your touch ease my pain?
Somehow let me die at ease.
If I am to die in my sleep,
Please don't let anyone weep.
If I do live to see the sunrise,
Let's not be hidden in your lies.
All this life needs is a change,
But we are both too deranged.
18 years of life passed in vain.
What is there to ease my pain?
I need you to save what's left.
You are the life I haven't met.
Your perfection is out of reach.
To hold you now is all I beseech.
I'll die over and over again,
If it made my broken heart mend.
Reality is fake and so am I.
What is true? I can't identify.
Have my aspires all been slain?
Can't drugs help ease my pain?
Is there still an honest soul?
Will I ever have self-control?
Is a new day even worth seeing,
If life will never have meaning?
If music is what keeps me alive,
What will I do when radio dies?
Life is full of sorrow and doubt,
But joy is what I live without.
Will I finish my life in shame?
Or can your touch ease my pain?
New Beginnings - 8/3/03
I'd hitch a ride straight to hell,
If it made my life any more swell.
I'd be Satan's right hand man,
If it gave life some kind of plan.
I'd sell my soul for a few pennies,
If I just had someone to squeeze.
I'd pour my life out to a stranger,
If it kept me out of life's dangers.
I'd gouge my eyes down to my brain,
If someone still thinks I am sane.
I'd top Van Gogh and lose both ears,
If you never made me shed any tears.
I'd pull my heart out of my ribs,
If it fed all of the starving kids.
I'd give my skin away to look scary,
If you give me money and dared me.
I'd pull the tongue from my mouth,
If it would remove all your doubts.
I'd change anything in the world,
If I were to meet a loving girl.
I'd do anything you ever dreamed,
If someone knows what life means.
I'd kill myself so you saw me bleed,
If I was assured I'd rest in peace.
I'd have my infested body set on fire,
If you'll never again call me a liar.
If it made my life any more swell.
I'd be Satan's right hand man,
If it gave life some kind of plan.
I'd sell my soul for a few pennies,
If I just had someone to squeeze.
I'd pour my life out to a stranger,
If it kept me out of life's dangers.
I'd gouge my eyes down to my brain,
If someone still thinks I am sane.
I'd top Van Gogh and lose both ears,
If you never made me shed any tears.
I'd pull my heart out of my ribs,
If it fed all of the starving kids.
I'd give my skin away to look scary,
If you give me money and dared me.
I'd pull the tongue from my mouth,
If it would remove all your doubts.
I'd change anything in the world,
If I were to meet a loving girl.
I'd do anything you ever dreamed,
If someone knows what life means.
I'd kill myself so you saw me bleed,
If I was assured I'd rest in peace.
I'd have my infested body set on fire,
If you'll never again call me a liar.
No One - 8/2/03
No one ever did anything to bring you pain.
No one ever locked you outside in the rain.
No one told you your life was oh so bad.
No one took away the only thing you had.
No one could dream to be anymore stunning.
No one could dream to be anymore cunning.
No one feels pity on the life you lead.
No one feels there's anything you need.
No one forgot you and made things wrong.
No one forgot they raised you so long.
No one will feel shame on your wealth.
No one will turn you down in bad health.
No one but you hates a wonderful family.
No one but you neglects her rich daddy.
No one can deny you since you're a dream.
No one can reject your cash to redeem.
No one could ask for more best friends.
No one could ask to afford more trends.
No one imagines having problems so minor.
No one imagines the jewelery around her.
No one else ever hated the BMW you drove.
No one else ever hated 3 meals on a stove.
No one needs more then your giant house.
No one needs more then your loving spouse.
No one has ever met a more spoiled bitch.
No one has ever whined about more shit.
No one like you ever needs to complain,
About how bad their life is ever again.
No one ever locked you outside in the rain.
No one told you your life was oh so bad.
No one took away the only thing you had.
No one could dream to be anymore stunning.
No one could dream to be anymore cunning.
No one feels pity on the life you lead.
No one feels there's anything you need.
No one forgot you and made things wrong.
No one forgot they raised you so long.
No one will feel shame on your wealth.
No one will turn you down in bad health.
No one but you hates a wonderful family.
No one but you neglects her rich daddy.
No one can deny you since you're a dream.
No one can reject your cash to redeem.
No one could ask for more best friends.
No one could ask to afford more trends.
No one imagines having problems so minor.
No one imagines the jewelery around her.
No one else ever hated the BMW you drove.
No one else ever hated 3 meals on a stove.
No one needs more then your giant house.
No one needs more then your loving spouse.
No one has ever met a more spoiled bitch.
No one has ever whined about more shit.
No one like you ever needs to complain,
About how bad their life is ever again.
Sun & Haze - 7/6/03
I woke this morning to sun and haze,
Wished I could erase these wasted days.
Greeted the world and opened the door.
Saw there was nothing to be awake for.
Stood in the shower and shed my skin,
Dreamed what world I need to live in.
Sat at the table and unwillingly ate.
Wanted to be gone like food on my plate.
Got the remote and turned on the tube.
Ready to cry seeing TV has us subdued.
Lounged and pet the dogs on the head,
Knowing they'll love me until I'm dead.
My hand trembled as I went to call dad,
Realized this is all the family I have.
Got online to find out my validity,
Yet just learned of others' stupidity.
Peeked over to the neighbors' to see,
Drug addicts are a lot happier then me.
Barred myself in my room once again,
I'll see sun and haze now and then.
Drop the blinds so no one will know,
For peace, just how far I will go.
As I sleep I need a God to let me pray,
Never again I have to see sun and haze.
Wished I could erase these wasted days.
Greeted the world and opened the door.
Saw there was nothing to be awake for.
Stood in the shower and shed my skin,
Dreamed what world I need to live in.
Sat at the table and unwillingly ate.
Wanted to be gone like food on my plate.
Got the remote and turned on the tube.
Ready to cry seeing TV has us subdued.
Lounged and pet the dogs on the head,
Knowing they'll love me until I'm dead.
My hand trembled as I went to call dad,
Realized this is all the family I have.
Got online to find out my validity,
Yet just learned of others' stupidity.
Peeked over to the neighbors' to see,
Drug addicts are a lot happier then me.
Barred myself in my room once again,
I'll see sun and haze now and then.
Drop the blinds so no one will know,
For peace, just how far I will go.
As I sleep I need a God to let me pray,
Never again I have to see sun and haze.
Eighteen Faded Years - 7/4/03
Beginning of life in eighty-five,
Enough to make my parents cry.
I was still important at age one.
And I was great for what I'd done.
By the time I hit the age of two,
I was bad for what I put you through.
At the age of three I got to see,
How evil this world can really be.
I was supposed be grown up by four,
Yet I knew nothing really for sure.
Five was the time to start school,
Prove to my parents I'm not a fool.
It only took me until the age six,
To see I'm different then other kids.
Catholic school had me at seven,
Brainwashing me to believe in heaven.
People thought I had hope at eight,
And I'd be rich if not for fate.
At nine I had my own seat on the bus,
Since my looks made too much fuss.
I enjoyed peace when I was ten.
Lots of time at home and no friend.
At eleven I seemed to hit a low.
No one to talk to, no where to go.
Parents were divored at twelve,
And I was set aside on the shelf.
Life sucked by the age thirteen,
Sadly enough I was an alcohol fiend.
Fourteen was depressing and bad.
Trouble overshadowed talent I had.
Fifteen was marred by beer and Kim.
What was left of my life looked dim.
Nothing sweet came out of sixteen.
But Kim trying to murder me was mean.
At seventeen I was dead inside.
Suicide tries and alcohol hid my lies.
Graduated and I almost see eighteen,
Still searching for life's meaning.
Enough to make my parents cry.
I was still important at age one.
And I was great for what I'd done.
By the time I hit the age of two,
I was bad for what I put you through.
At the age of three I got to see,
How evil this world can really be.
I was supposed be grown up by four,
Yet I knew nothing really for sure.
Five was the time to start school,
Prove to my parents I'm not a fool.
It only took me until the age six,
To see I'm different then other kids.
Catholic school had me at seven,
Brainwashing me to believe in heaven.
People thought I had hope at eight,
And I'd be rich if not for fate.
At nine I had my own seat on the bus,
Since my looks made too much fuss.
I enjoyed peace when I was ten.
Lots of time at home and no friend.
At eleven I seemed to hit a low.
No one to talk to, no where to go.
Parents were divored at twelve,
And I was set aside on the shelf.
Life sucked by the age thirteen,
Sadly enough I was an alcohol fiend.
Fourteen was depressing and bad.
Trouble overshadowed talent I had.
Fifteen was marred by beer and Kim.
What was left of my life looked dim.
Nothing sweet came out of sixteen.
But Kim trying to murder me was mean.
At seventeen I was dead inside.
Suicide tries and alcohol hid my lies.
Graduated and I almost see eighteen,
Still searching for life's meaning.
One Person - 7/4/03
Recollecting to the days I was happy,
Now that happiness has long passed me.
I don't really know what it means,
But I started seeing you in my dreams.
Guess my mind misses being at peace,
Since happiness was a two month lease.
My visions are now as clear as mud.
But you can't feel my pain called love.
Everything was so real being with you.
I wish for something I could say or do,
To rewind all of the sleep I've lost.
No one deserves to live at this cost.
I can't fake to be happy and survive.
But I'll rot now that I'm dead inside.
By now you've forgot my name and face.
And my burning inside was all a waste.
I can't support you and your new child.
But if I had that chance I would smile.
You're the one person that passed me by,
Who could make me smile or make me die.
I hope you never hurt quite like this,
But deep down you deserve this shit.
Some day one person will come along,
And tear your heart until it's gone.
Or are you too cold to have a heart?
I'm not cool like you. I fell apart.
Now that happiness has long passed me.
I don't really know what it means,
But I started seeing you in my dreams.
Guess my mind misses being at peace,
Since happiness was a two month lease.
My visions are now as clear as mud.
But you can't feel my pain called love.
Everything was so real being with you.
I wish for something I could say or do,
To rewind all of the sleep I've lost.
No one deserves to live at this cost.
I can't fake to be happy and survive.
But I'll rot now that I'm dead inside.
By now you've forgot my name and face.
And my burning inside was all a waste.
I can't support you and your new child.
But if I had that chance I would smile.
You're the one person that passed me by,
Who could make me smile or make me die.
I hope you never hurt quite like this,
But deep down you deserve this shit.
Some day one person will come along,
And tear your heart until it's gone.
Or are you too cold to have a heart?
I'm not cool like you. I fell apart.
Forgotten - 6/7/03
If today was the last day you saw my face,
Would it be a tragedy to this place?
Or would just I be forgotten forever?
And I won't be needed again, never.
If I left your life for a few years,
Would my return be full of hate or tears?
If you saw me later would you run scared?
Or be amazed at how my life faired?
If I became a part of your life again,
Will you ask me to leave like back then?
Maybe change is all you need to be happy.
I know you can smile more without me.
Would I ever be the one that got away?
Or will I fade like the sunset today?
Will you regret the little white lies?
Will you regret the secrets you hide?
Will you think you waited too long,
To tell me all this before I'm gone?
Will I always be a failure to you?
Just think what you've put me through.
Would it be a tragedy to this place?
Or would just I be forgotten forever?
And I won't be needed again, never.
If I left your life for a few years,
Would my return be full of hate or tears?
If you saw me later would you run scared?
Or be amazed at how my life faired?
If I became a part of your life again,
Will you ask me to leave like back then?
Maybe change is all you need to be happy.
I know you can smile more without me.
Would I ever be the one that got away?
Or will I fade like the sunset today?
Will you regret the little white lies?
Will you regret the secrets you hide?
Will you think you waited too long,
To tell me all this before I'm gone?
Will I always be a failure to you?
Just think what you've put me through.
Thrown Away - 6/3/03
Thrown away is the name of the game.
Forgotten because you are so lame.
The game starts when you fall in love.
To a girl maybe as pure as a dove.
The fun starts when they really care.
And you swear you'll always be there.
You ride the wave for a long while.
Then you are told about the new smile,
That you couldn't give them anymore.
And how you feel used like a door,
And to see this person leave your eyes,
Something in your heart slowly dies.
Laid to waste like a broken gift.
And these feelings I can not shift.
Extra piece of the puzzle is all I am.
You don't need me with your new man.
God I feel so unwanted, so useless,
How I should've never got into this.
It is time to go on down the road.
Hope these memories turn to smoke.
The game is over when you are broken,
And that time of my life was frozen.
Forgotten because you are so lame.
The game starts when you fall in love.
To a girl maybe as pure as a dove.
The fun starts when they really care.
And you swear you'll always be there.
You ride the wave for a long while.
Then you are told about the new smile,
That you couldn't give them anymore.
And how you feel used like a door,
And to see this person leave your eyes,
Something in your heart slowly dies.
Laid to waste like a broken gift.
And these feelings I can not shift.
Extra piece of the puzzle is all I am.
You don't need me with your new man.
God I feel so unwanted, so useless,
How I should've never got into this.
It is time to go on down the road.
Hope these memories turn to smoke.
The game is over when you are broken,
And that time of my life was frozen.
Prologue/Border Jumpers (School Project) - 11/5/02
14 illegal immigrants are we,
Striving for the land of the free.
4 Cubans on a raft,
Floated away as we laughed.
They would've been shot down by a nark,
But the raft was attacked by a shark.
10 of us left, listed in no order,
Will try crossing the American border.
Keally was the first: Short, thin and poor.
Whose father died on the float before.
He was mighty strong although thin,
Once killed a man for calling him a Mexican.
He loved the women a night at a time,
But he was too poor to keep them alive.
He dreams of having a newborn son,
If the love of his life will ever come.
All he wanted was the fame and glory,
So he made me put him in this story.
A Panthers shirt and a skirt he wore,
Because there was nothing left from the week before.
The next little Cuban went by Ivan.
He was quite the pimp and money he was striving.
He appeared to be white,
Supposedly dropped here one night.
His best employee Lisa was a pretty young lad,
Loved her a lot, more than his dad.
He lives his life in memory of her,
For he had never loved like that before.
He was so into the gold and chains,
That it made up for the lack of brains.
He wore the most expensive stuff,
But he could never get enough.
Max was the best of friend,
But didn't have a dollar to lend.
He had a thing about selling drugs,
In America he could fix the thugs.
It is a shame that he wasted his life,
And sold his soul for a knife.
He wore a black coat, long and ashy,
And where he got the pants: don't ask me.
His transportation was the oddest thing,
He had a bunch of wood tied with a string.
The next Cuban was Chris he was such a Jew.
It was hilarious how little he knew.
He flipped burgers in his hometown,
Claimed to make it perfectly brown.
He wore the same old uniform,
Roach infested, stained and torn.
He didn't have a float,
Dumb enough to think we gave him a boat.
He had about no self-esteem,
And when the liquor kicked in he was mean.
The next boy was called Elian.
His parents got him through by stealing.
Gonzalez I think was his last name,
All of 8 with this supposed fame.
He said he's done this once before,
But to be so young I'm not sure.
All we knew is that his parents died.
And when I wanted to switch rafts I was denied.
His was big, expensive and blue.
Why he wouldn't trade for my tire no one knew.
He dressed American but we all know he wasn't.
Supposedly he got the clothes from his cousin.
Brittany was the next brave soul.
The guys drooled over her since she was four.
She isn't a Cuban either but was left here.
One night when her parents were acting queer.
She dressed in a way this dump never seen.
If Cuba had standards it would be obscene.
She was always happy and quite the flirt.
But made everyone feel poorer than dirt.
She had the brains but didn't remember,
Her only raft was stolen in December.
If we had a queen she could take the throne.
Until then she has to share my old Firestone.
The next border jumper goes by Jesse.
With the multi-colored hair that's messy.
He is smart but very closed minded,
If he keeps dressing ghetto we'll all be blinded.
He would pretend he could dance and sing,
In the cardboard box he called home or something.
Sometimes he cries for his grave,
When he reflects back on when he was a slave.
He is hard headed enough to think he can swim,
So we'll just hope the waves don't suck him in.
The wisest of us all was a woman named Ms. Scott.
Not sure of the first name but Chris says she's hot.
She could make fun of all our flaws,
We just agreed since she knew it all.
She wasn't rich but could keep herself fed.
To live off 12 cents a day, she'd be dead.
She loved the job but hated the pay,
But isn't that what all teachers say?
She was quite the conservative dresser,
But Chris would die to impress her.
Like most she had an old tire to float,
So for once she couldn't gloat.
Next to last on our escapade was Charlie.
He could call his role model Bob Marley.
If he wasn't happy you knew,
He wasn't one to have angry with you.
He doesn't have a raft cause it might sink,
Just to fit on it he'd have to shrink.
Instead he grabbed a huge mobile home tire,
Right after his dumpy trailer caught fire.
He wore whatever he found that fit.
Like the same ripped pants perfectly split.
Well I am the loudest of us all,
I'm not short or skinny but not too tall.
I look like a terrorist with the wardrobe.
Many do in this new country, so I have hope.
Back when Ford Motor Company needed slaves to hire.
I stole a nice white letter before I got fired.
Now we are responsible for killing drivers,
Because of their cheap, separated tires.
I am bragging, for this was my plan.
Without me they would've all ran.
I am going to risk getting us all getting killed,
Avoid 200 soldiers with guns for a thrill.
85 miles from wire to wire,
Floating with some sexy stranger in my tire.
Plus 8 other people seeking new land,
To steal jobs from the American man.
Striving for the land of the free.
4 Cubans on a raft,
Floated away as we laughed.
They would've been shot down by a nark,
But the raft was attacked by a shark.
10 of us left, listed in no order,
Will try crossing the American border.
Keally was the first: Short, thin and poor.
Whose father died on the float before.
He was mighty strong although thin,
Once killed a man for calling him a Mexican.
He loved the women a night at a time,
But he was too poor to keep them alive.
He dreams of having a newborn son,
If the love of his life will ever come.
All he wanted was the fame and glory,
So he made me put him in this story.
A Panthers shirt and a skirt he wore,
Because there was nothing left from the week before.
The next little Cuban went by Ivan.
He was quite the pimp and money he was striving.
He appeared to be white,
Supposedly dropped here one night.
His best employee Lisa was a pretty young lad,
Loved her a lot, more than his dad.
He lives his life in memory of her,
For he had never loved like that before.
He was so into the gold and chains,
That it made up for the lack of brains.
He wore the most expensive stuff,
But he could never get enough.
Max was the best of friend,
But didn't have a dollar to lend.
He had a thing about selling drugs,
In America he could fix the thugs.
It is a shame that he wasted his life,
And sold his soul for a knife.
He wore a black coat, long and ashy,
And where he got the pants: don't ask me.
His transportation was the oddest thing,
He had a bunch of wood tied with a string.
The next Cuban was Chris he was such a Jew.
It was hilarious how little he knew.
He flipped burgers in his hometown,
Claimed to make it perfectly brown.
He wore the same old uniform,
Roach infested, stained and torn.
He didn't have a float,
Dumb enough to think we gave him a boat.
He had about no self-esteem,
And when the liquor kicked in he was mean.
The next boy was called Elian.
His parents got him through by stealing.
Gonzalez I think was his last name,
All of 8 with this supposed fame.
He said he's done this once before,
But to be so young I'm not sure.
All we knew is that his parents died.
And when I wanted to switch rafts I was denied.
His was big, expensive and blue.
Why he wouldn't trade for my tire no one knew.
He dressed American but we all know he wasn't.
Supposedly he got the clothes from his cousin.
Brittany was the next brave soul.
The guys drooled over her since she was four.
She isn't a Cuban either but was left here.
One night when her parents were acting queer.
She dressed in a way this dump never seen.
If Cuba had standards it would be obscene.
She was always happy and quite the flirt.
But made everyone feel poorer than dirt.
She had the brains but didn't remember,
Her only raft was stolen in December.
If we had a queen she could take the throne.
Until then she has to share my old Firestone.
The next border jumper goes by Jesse.
With the multi-colored hair that's messy.
He is smart but very closed minded,
If he keeps dressing ghetto we'll all be blinded.
He would pretend he could dance and sing,
In the cardboard box he called home or something.
Sometimes he cries for his grave,
When he reflects back on when he was a slave.
He is hard headed enough to think he can swim,
So we'll just hope the waves don't suck him in.
The wisest of us all was a woman named Ms. Scott.
Not sure of the first name but Chris says she's hot.
She could make fun of all our flaws,
We just agreed since she knew it all.
She wasn't rich but could keep herself fed.
To live off 12 cents a day, she'd be dead.
She loved the job but hated the pay,
But isn't that what all teachers say?
She was quite the conservative dresser,
But Chris would die to impress her.
Like most she had an old tire to float,
So for once she couldn't gloat.
Next to last on our escapade was Charlie.
He could call his role model Bob Marley.
If he wasn't happy you knew,
He wasn't one to have angry with you.
He doesn't have a raft cause it might sink,
Just to fit on it he'd have to shrink.
Instead he grabbed a huge mobile home tire,
Right after his dumpy trailer caught fire.
He wore whatever he found that fit.
Like the same ripped pants perfectly split.
Well I am the loudest of us all,
I'm not short or skinny but not too tall.
I look like a terrorist with the wardrobe.
Many do in this new country, so I have hope.
Back when Ford Motor Company needed slaves to hire.
I stole a nice white letter before I got fired.
Now we are responsible for killing drivers,
Because of their cheap, separated tires.
I am bragging, for this was my plan.
Without me they would've all ran.
I am going to risk getting us all getting killed,
Avoid 200 soldiers with guns for a thrill.
85 miles from wire to wire,
Floating with some sexy stranger in my tire.
Plus 8 other people seeking new land,
To steal jobs from the American man.
Your Garbage - 5/29/03
I go unnoticed like the pennies in the fountain.
Strengths are gone, I can't climb this mountain.
Power is measured by our outer beauties,
Rather then our abilities to do our duties.
Status isn't about talent or ability,
That's just what money can do for me.
At least with no power your problems are mine.
Push it off on me and your life will be fine.
I am as disposable as the crushed soda can.
After being used by everyone known to man.
I'm down for the count, my hands are tied.
Whoever said life was worth living sure lied.
My glimpse of hope is what passed you by.
The person you avoid is all I have in life.
Abusing her is as sobering as a cold shower.
Cut your roots and wither like a flower.
This is your payback for what you've done.
You'll never forget me for being a no one.
All I need is the burning carcass smell.
Cause all you deserve is eternity in hell.
No more shit from your big redneck mouth.
And hell will become your new deep south.
You always thought you were invincible,
But someone is digging you a shallow hole.
Five souls at once was all you would play.
But you got six carrying your corpse today.
You spoiled fucks never learned to appreciate,
When living for yourself happiness is your fate.
Strengths are gone, I can't climb this mountain.
Power is measured by our outer beauties,
Rather then our abilities to do our duties.
Status isn't about talent or ability,
That's just what money can do for me.
At least with no power your problems are mine.
Push it off on me and your life will be fine.
I am as disposable as the crushed soda can.
After being used by everyone known to man.
I'm down for the count, my hands are tied.
Whoever said life was worth living sure lied.
My glimpse of hope is what passed you by.
The person you avoid is all I have in life.
Abusing her is as sobering as a cold shower.
Cut your roots and wither like a flower.
This is your payback for what you've done.
You'll never forget me for being a no one.
All I need is the burning carcass smell.
Cause all you deserve is eternity in hell.
No more shit from your big redneck mouth.
And hell will become your new deep south.
You always thought you were invincible,
But someone is digging you a shallow hole.
Five souls at once was all you would play.
But you got six carrying your corpse today.
You spoiled fucks never learned to appreciate,
When living for yourself happiness is your fate.
Hate Me - 5/20/03
I am out of reasons to live my life.
No future better then the edge of a knife.
I won't be standing at the pearly gates.
Eternity in hell with potential soul mates.
The girl who I really thought was the one,
Hates me for the things I haven't done.
The father that makes me lose sleep,
Hates me for the friends I can't keep.
The mother that I could see thru,
Hates me for not being just like you.
The sister supposedly always on my side,
Hates me and just wants me to die.
The friend who listens to what I say,
Hates me for being a friend today.
The United States, the home of the free,
Hates it because I can't just be me.
The window in my heart slams to a close.
Shattered like my cold heart that froze.
The void in my soul hasn't got any smaller,
As the task of living my life got taller.
My voices in my head are trying to settle.
So everyone can be inside free to meddle.
No future better then the edge of a knife.
I won't be standing at the pearly gates.
Eternity in hell with potential soul mates.
The girl who I really thought was the one,
Hates me for the things I haven't done.
The father that makes me lose sleep,
Hates me for the friends I can't keep.
The mother that I could see thru,
Hates me for not being just like you.
The sister supposedly always on my side,
Hates me and just wants me to die.
The friend who listens to what I say,
Hates me for being a friend today.
The United States, the home of the free,
Hates it because I can't just be me.
The window in my heart slams to a close.
Shattered like my cold heart that froze.
The void in my soul hasn't got any smaller,
As the task of living my life got taller.
My voices in my head are trying to settle.
So everyone can be inside free to meddle.
Posthumous - 5/11/03
By the time you read this I hope to be dead.
It's the only way to escape demons in my head.
Can I really blame you for what you've done?
With or without you I was always a no one.
No this isn't all your fault I guess.
Though you never got me out of this mess.
Why should I blame anyone else but myself?
For always being hidden on your shelf.
You missed your oppurtunity to apologize.
For killing me with all your bullshit lies.
I know you tried your best to help me out.
But I guess all of you cared except your mouth.
Through all this I can't make you understand,
This is best for me, you've done all you can.
I was always the greens pushed off your plate.
It's out of our hands, just leave it to fate.
I was told I'd never live to be a father,
It was so nice of you to try and bother.
My funeral will be as empty as your heart.
If I was so great you would all take part.
I'm sure if I had a soulmate she would care.
But all of my friends will never be there.
I never know my family will care maybe.
Just because of my life insurance money.
My death will not affect a so called friend.
It will be a relief that this is the end.
It's the only way to escape demons in my head.
Can I really blame you for what you've done?
With or without you I was always a no one.
No this isn't all your fault I guess.
Though you never got me out of this mess.
Why should I blame anyone else but myself?
For always being hidden on your shelf.
You missed your oppurtunity to apologize.
For killing me with all your bullshit lies.
I know you tried your best to help me out.
But I guess all of you cared except your mouth.
Through all this I can't make you understand,
This is best for me, you've done all you can.
I was always the greens pushed off your plate.
It's out of our hands, just leave it to fate.
I was told I'd never live to be a father,
It was so nice of you to try and bother.
My funeral will be as empty as your heart.
If I was so great you would all take part.
I'm sure if I had a soulmate she would care.
But all of my friends will never be there.
I never know my family will care maybe.
Just because of my life insurance money.
My death will not affect a so called friend.
It will be a relief that this is the end.
No Tomorrow - 5/3/03
Everyone says things get better.
And she only hurts if you let her.
The day will come when pain is gone.
And happiness won't be what I long.
Everything in life will be great.
There will be no one left to hate.
The clouds are going to break,
Life will be a piece of cake.
All this shit will be just fine,
Smell the roses, taste the wine.
Wash away all of my sorrow.
I will be happy on no tomorrow.
Oh how life will be fine again.
Just a glitch every now and then.
I can't wait to wake up and smile.
Just to enjoy being alive for a while.
No more death threats or notes.
Just friends lined up in rows.
And my relationships won't be so low.
I won't be stuck in my father's shadow.
There will be no one to follow.
Because I'm gonna be happy no tomorrow.
And she only hurts if you let her.
The day will come when pain is gone.
And happiness won't be what I long.
Everything in life will be great.
There will be no one left to hate.
The clouds are going to break,
Life will be a piece of cake.
All this shit will be just fine,
Smell the roses, taste the wine.
Wash away all of my sorrow.
I will be happy on no tomorrow.
Oh how life will be fine again.
Just a glitch every now and then.
I can't wait to wake up and smile.
Just to enjoy being alive for a while.
No more death threats or notes.
Just friends lined up in rows.
And my relationships won't be so low.
I won't be stuck in my father's shadow.
There will be no one to follow.
Because I'm gonna be happy no tomorrow.
Dear Whoever - 4/23/03
Dear God, if you have balls you'd show your face.
Dear Myself, what makes me such a disgrace?
Dear Satan, do I still have my soul to sell?
Dear Dad, don't let me drag you straight to hell.
Dear Mom, why fuck up a family for some dick?
Dear Mr. Bush, thanks for being such a prick.
Dear Television, must you corrupt the youth?
Dear Classmate, why are you always a douche?
Dear Sister, why disown me for not being cool?
Dear Me Again, why did I fail and become a fool?
Dear Cobain, your legacy lives although you don't.
Dear Wannabes, I hope to become all that you won't.
Dear School, why be dominated by look alike teens?
Dear Dope Dealer, be proud of your money by all means.
Dear Friend, to be closer stop using me for a start.
Dear Maggot, I love you for being a leech in my heart.
Dear Teresa, thanks for showing someone really cares.
Dear World, thanks for being here when all else fails.
Dear Myself, what makes me such a disgrace?
Dear Satan, do I still have my soul to sell?
Dear Dad, don't let me drag you straight to hell.
Dear Mom, why fuck up a family for some dick?
Dear Mr. Bush, thanks for being such a prick.
Dear Television, must you corrupt the youth?
Dear Classmate, why are you always a douche?
Dear Sister, why disown me for not being cool?
Dear Me Again, why did I fail and become a fool?
Dear Cobain, your legacy lives although you don't.
Dear Wannabes, I hope to become all that you won't.
Dear School, why be dominated by look alike teens?
Dear Dope Dealer, be proud of your money by all means.
Dear Friend, to be closer stop using me for a start.
Dear Maggot, I love you for being a leech in my heart.
Dear Teresa, thanks for showing someone really cares.
Dear World, thanks for being here when all else fails.
Wreck - 4/22/03
You know life is a waste,
When shit in your mouth is all you taste.
By the people who supposedly care,
The same ones who were never there.
To just be a friend, God i tried,
When they agreed, guess who lied?
I don't know what you did or said,
All I know is you fucked up my head.
Why is it you make me feel like nobody?
What did I say to make you hate me?
They love you one minute.
They hate you the next.
You fucked up my life.
I'm an emotional wreck.
Your words to me mean nothing at all.
So insincere they push me as I fall.
You wish this fall was far I bet.
Is the hundreth story tall enough yet?
Your actions hurt me even more.
Choke me again you abusive whore.
To get rid of me made your burden lighter.
You just pulled my noose a little tighter.
Your lack of concern shows you care.
Slits on my arms showed you weren't there.
Would you miss me if I was dead?
One less soul for you to tread.
Another day until nothing's left,
Just one more breath,
Closer to death.
When shit in your mouth is all you taste.
By the people who supposedly care,
The same ones who were never there.
To just be a friend, God i tried,
When they agreed, guess who lied?
I don't know what you did or said,
All I know is you fucked up my head.
Why is it you make me feel like nobody?
What did I say to make you hate me?
They love you one minute.
They hate you the next.
You fucked up my life.
I'm an emotional wreck.
Your words to me mean nothing at all.
So insincere they push me as I fall.
You wish this fall was far I bet.
Is the hundreth story tall enough yet?
Your actions hurt me even more.
Choke me again you abusive whore.
To get rid of me made your burden lighter.
You just pulled my noose a little tighter.
Your lack of concern shows you care.
Slits on my arms showed you weren't there.
Would you miss me if I was dead?
One less soul for you to tread.
Another day until nothing's left,
Just one more breath,
Closer to death.
HEROin - 4/19/03
I use you to get away from me.
I use you to set my body free.
I love you for this feeling inside.
I love you for keeping me high.
I need you to poke at my insides.
I need you to show I am still alive.
I respect you for making me numb.
I respect you for making me dumb.
I want a feeling of peaceful bliss.
I want a feeling of your warm kiss.
I depend on you to make me great.
I depend on you the one I hate.
I hate you for killing my soul.
I hate you for taking control.
I can't live this way for too long.
I can't live without you being gone.
I am faithful to my habit of you.
I am faithful to die of your truth.
I cry when I lose your evil touch.
I cry because you are my only crutch.
I plead for your forgiveness.
I plead my friends won't try this.
I stab myself to lose reality.
I stab myself but it's not free.
I killed myself for just one more shot.
I killed myself for becoming what I'm not.
I use you to set my body free.
I love you for this feeling inside.
I love you for keeping me high.
I need you to poke at my insides.
I need you to show I am still alive.
I respect you for making me numb.
I respect you for making me dumb.
I want a feeling of peaceful bliss.
I want a feeling of your warm kiss.
I depend on you to make me great.
I depend on you the one I hate.
I hate you for killing my soul.
I hate you for taking control.
I can't live this way for too long.
I can't live without you being gone.
I am faithful to my habit of you.
I am faithful to die of your truth.
I cry when I lose your evil touch.
I cry because you are my only crutch.
I plead for your forgiveness.
I plead my friends won't try this.
I stab myself to lose reality.
I stab myself but it's not free.
I killed myself for just one more shot.
I killed myself for becoming what I'm not.
Insomniac - 4/11/03
Every minute I am awake,
I am the person I really hate.
Every day I am still alive,
Lack of sleep makes me cry.
My dizzy head spins around,
In my demented thoughts I drown.
I crawl in my bleak reality now,
Eyes half shut, I don't know how.
Insomnia has got me by the balls.
Too tired to make my own calls.
I am crying because I am not dead.
The voices won't sleep in my head.
All the sheep I can not count.
While clawing my eyes in doubt.
Happiness I am not allowed.
Sleepy misery all I am endowed.
Seeing life cross-eyed again.
Pain goes away now and then.
Shown by the bags under my eyes,
Is my conscience and my lies.
I yawn more then I speak,
There are no words for me to keep.
I am the walking dead inside,
These bloodshot eyes can not hide.
I am the person I really hate.
Every day I am still alive,
Lack of sleep makes me cry.
My dizzy head spins around,
In my demented thoughts I drown.
I crawl in my bleak reality now,
Eyes half shut, I don't know how.
Insomnia has got me by the balls.
Too tired to make my own calls.
I am crying because I am not dead.
The voices won't sleep in my head.
All the sheep I can not count.
While clawing my eyes in doubt.
Happiness I am not allowed.
Sleepy misery all I am endowed.
Seeing life cross-eyed again.
Pain goes away now and then.
Shown by the bags under my eyes,
Is my conscience and my lies.
I yawn more then I speak,
There are no words for me to keep.
I am the walking dead inside,
These bloodshot eyes can not hide.
Disposable Friends - 4/6/03
What is a friend?
The same as a trend.
Cool for a week or two.
Or until they know you.
They are all the same.
Playing one giant game.
You can only be used around a few.
Only when someone thinks it's cool.
I'm just a waste of your breath.
Nice back then, now you want me dead.
I thought you were here forever?
Lasted so long it felt like never.
I was attached to your perfection,
But you and I were no connection.
Everything seemed as great as can be,
Until you saw right through me.
Kind of scary how you've changed.
Once so sweet, now so derranged.
I'm done needing you to talk.
The long silent road I will walk.
God damn me, I'm so dumb.
For knowing you I should be hung.
The same as a trend.
Cool for a week or two.
Or until they know you.
They are all the same.
Playing one giant game.
You can only be used around a few.
Only when someone thinks it's cool.
I'm just a waste of your breath.
Nice back then, now you want me dead.
I thought you were here forever?
Lasted so long it felt like never.
I was attached to your perfection,
But you and I were no connection.
Everything seemed as great as can be,
Until you saw right through me.
Kind of scary how you've changed.
Once so sweet, now so derranged.
I'm done needing you to talk.
The long silent road I will walk.
God damn me, I'm so dumb.
For knowing you I should be hung.
Negativity - 3/23/03
To all the girls that love their man,
With all their heart, the best they can.
Your boyfriend loves you more then you know,
He's sleeping with some other cheap ho.
For all the guys that care about their gals,
More then they do their first grade pals.
Your girl shows how much she cares at night,
Whoring around while you are out of sight.
To all the men out there becoming dads,
Never forget all the great times you had.
Just don't be surprised in another nine months,
To look in his eyes and know it's not your son.
For all the expecting mothers out there,
Make sure the father to be really does care.
Although your best friend got out of hand,
Her and your man had a one-night stand.
Maybe you will see love is a slap in the face,
When no one cares, everything was a waste.
Hind sight may well be twenty-twenty,
But you can't see your lover cheating plenty.
With all their heart, the best they can.
Your boyfriend loves you more then you know,
He's sleeping with some other cheap ho.
For all the guys that care about their gals,
More then they do their first grade pals.
Your girl shows how much she cares at night,
Whoring around while you are out of sight.
To all the men out there becoming dads,
Never forget all the great times you had.
Just don't be surprised in another nine months,
To look in his eyes and know it's not your son.
For all the expecting mothers out there,
Make sure the father to be really does care.
Although your best friend got out of hand,
Her and your man had a one-night stand.
Maybe you will see love is a slap in the face,
When no one cares, everything was a waste.
Hind sight may well be twenty-twenty,
But you can't see your lover cheating plenty.
So Sorry - 3/17/03
Why do you hate me, all of you sheep?
If I were you I probably couldn't sleep.
I'm sorry that I can't turn back,
From being my dad's mistake in the sack.
I'm sorry I'm not just like my father,
Too apathetic to care or even bother.
I'm sorry I couldn't turn out just like you,
Then conformity would actually make me cool.
I'm sorry that I can't be your kinda sleeze,
Instead I have to settle as your disease.
I'm sorry that I ever tried to be a friend,
The hand in your pocket you didn't extend.
I'm sorry I don't feel the need to love.
Love is blind, my hate for you will shove.
I'm sorry I don't pray to your God almighty.
I'm sorry you can't take my threats lightly.
I'm sorry that I'm not a beautiful person.
I'm sorry you use me and call me worthless.
I'm sorry I ever opened my mouth to speak.
I'm sorry I once again destroyed your week.
I'm sorry I wasn't killed on nine eleven,
To rot in hell 'cause God hates me in heaven.
I'm sorry I'm too blind to see.
I'm sorry for being free.
I'm sorry for being me.
I'm so fucking sorry.
If I were you I probably couldn't sleep.
I'm sorry that I can't turn back,
From being my dad's mistake in the sack.
I'm sorry I'm not just like my father,
Too apathetic to care or even bother.
I'm sorry I couldn't turn out just like you,
Then conformity would actually make me cool.
I'm sorry that I can't be your kinda sleeze,
Instead I have to settle as your disease.
I'm sorry that I ever tried to be a friend,
The hand in your pocket you didn't extend.
I'm sorry I don't feel the need to love.
Love is blind, my hate for you will shove.
I'm sorry I don't pray to your God almighty.
I'm sorry you can't take my threats lightly.
I'm sorry that I'm not a beautiful person.
I'm sorry you use me and call me worthless.
I'm sorry I ever opened my mouth to speak.
I'm sorry I once again destroyed your week.
I'm sorry I wasn't killed on nine eleven,
To rot in hell 'cause God hates me in heaven.
I'm sorry I'm too blind to see.
I'm sorry for being free.
I'm sorry for being me.
I'm so fucking sorry.
What Is Friend? - 2/28/03
Another long week is over,
I'm growing a little colder.
I've outgrown my current phase,
Just a fucked up boy these days.
Friends to pick me up when I'm down,
All but ????? left me here to drown.
Actually a few more but none care.
Just buddies who were never there.
What good are friends when they hide?
Oh well I'm ugly, but I haven't died.
If I had lots of money I'd have friends.
Or if I wore the gay preppy trends.
I'm just a castaway who people spit on.
One less mouth to feed when I'm gone.
It's nice to be uglier then you,
It makes you feel really fucken cool.
Let me crawl back in corner of hell.
Not good enough to come outta my shell.
Scum of the Earth doesn't find true love.
I'm someone else the beautiful can shove.
I feel the imprint of your hand on my face.
Too bad I'm such a god damned disgrace.
I'm growing a little colder.
I've outgrown my current phase,
Just a fucked up boy these days.
Friends to pick me up when I'm down,
All but ????? left me here to drown.
Actually a few more but none care.
Just buddies who were never there.
What good are friends when they hide?
Oh well I'm ugly, but I haven't died.
If I had lots of money I'd have friends.
Or if I wore the gay preppy trends.
I'm just a castaway who people spit on.
One less mouth to feed when I'm gone.
It's nice to be uglier then you,
It makes you feel really fucken cool.
Let me crawl back in corner of hell.
Not good enough to come outta my shell.
Scum of the Earth doesn't find true love.
I'm someone else the beautiful can shove.
I feel the imprint of your hand on my face.
Too bad I'm such a god damned disgrace.
Just Another Whore - 2/23/03
Just go ahead and let me down easy,
Because you can't say you don't need me.
I guess you were too good to be true.
When you stole my heart I shoulda knew.
Love means nothing to the heartless bitch.
And I never really learned until this shit.
Many girls like you, I'll meet plenty more.
You must just be another whore.
I wish I hadn't grown so attached.
Muchless ever met you, my supposed match.
I was part of your life for a month or so.
Now I'm a bad memory like the melting snow.
I hope you found happiness in your new man.
I tried not to piss you off the best I can.
Would've been nice if you were honest.
It's shitty inside whatever made you do this.
Love means nothing to the heartless bitch.
And I never really learned until this shit.
Many girls like you, I'll meet plenty more.
You must just be another whore.
With you I had the desire to move ahead.
Now I'm back at square one to wish for dead.
All you did was delay my suffering and pain.
Left this poor old beaten dog out in the rain.
I look in the mirror and I hate what I see.
It's the agony on my face you've put in me.
Wish I never lived to meet your evil ways.
Now I am left solo counting my last days.
I really thought you were unique and special.
Just your slap to my face was harder asshole.
Write your name and number on the bathroom wall.
While the red of my blood fills the next stall.
Love meant nothing to the lying bitch.
And now I see that after all of your shit.
Many girls like you, not going to meet anymore.
I'm killing myself before I meet another whore.
Because you can't say you don't need me.
I guess you were too good to be true.
When you stole my heart I shoulda knew.
Love means nothing to the heartless bitch.
And I never really learned until this shit.
Many girls like you, I'll meet plenty more.
You must just be another whore.
I wish I hadn't grown so attached.
Muchless ever met you, my supposed match.
I was part of your life for a month or so.
Now I'm a bad memory like the melting snow.
I hope you found happiness in your new man.
I tried not to piss you off the best I can.
Would've been nice if you were honest.
It's shitty inside whatever made you do this.
Love means nothing to the heartless bitch.
And I never really learned until this shit.
Many girls like you, I'll meet plenty more.
You must just be another whore.
With you I had the desire to move ahead.
Now I'm back at square one to wish for dead.
All you did was delay my suffering and pain.
Left this poor old beaten dog out in the rain.
I look in the mirror and I hate what I see.
It's the agony on my face you've put in me.
Wish I never lived to meet your evil ways.
Now I am left solo counting my last days.
I really thought you were unique and special.
Just your slap to my face was harder asshole.
Write your name and number on the bathroom wall.
While the red of my blood fills the next stall.
Love meant nothing to the lying bitch.
And now I see that after all of your shit.
Many girls like you, not going to meet anymore.
I'm killing myself before I meet another whore.
Wish You Were Mine - 2/10/03
'Hello Mister, are you my father?'
'Sure I am, why do you say that daughter?'
I've known you since you were only one.
While away from me your mom musta had fun.
Left here to raise an illegitimate child.
Since mom couldn't keep her pants on a while.
I love you like mine because of your mother.
Hell maybe you even have an unknown brother?
You are the most beautiful child on earth.
Just wish I was on the certificate at birth.
You'll be where I am now when I'm thirty three.
It's such a shame you look nothing like me.
I want to be there for my child's first steps.
But you're the closest to mine that I have left.
It tears me apart everytime you look and smile,
That your real dad didn't care about his child.
How will you feel to find your real dad in jail?
How much will it hurt knowing he never cared?
One day you'll be old enough to know the truth.
When your fake daddy hangs himself from the noose.
Because the wife that 'loved' him so very much,
Is pregnant again, no not by me, she don't give a fuck.
'Sure I am, why do you say that daughter?'
I've known you since you were only one.
While away from me your mom musta had fun.
Left here to raise an illegitimate child.
Since mom couldn't keep her pants on a while.
I love you like mine because of your mother.
Hell maybe you even have an unknown brother?
You are the most beautiful child on earth.
Just wish I was on the certificate at birth.
You'll be where I am now when I'm thirty three.
It's such a shame you look nothing like me.
I want to be there for my child's first steps.
But you're the closest to mine that I have left.
It tears me apart everytime you look and smile,
That your real dad didn't care about his child.
How will you feel to find your real dad in jail?
How much will it hurt knowing he never cared?
One day you'll be old enough to know the truth.
When your fake daddy hangs himself from the noose.
Because the wife that 'loved' him so very much,
Is pregnant again, no not by me, she don't give a fuck.
Thinking - 2/7/03
I thought I knew what a friend was.
Until 'Fuck You' showed your love.
I thought I had a good relationship.
All in vain, surely I'm not missed.
I thought you said you'd always be there.
'Whatever' was how much you really care.
I thought life was looking up for once.
Now lets coast back to hell for months.
I thought someone might have cared.
They are all in my head, I can't share.
I thought I'm nothing because I'm ugly.
It just makes it easier to fuck me.
I thought God really doesn't exist.
To still be alive, he must give a shit.
I thought of the world corrupt with lies.
Not all shit when everyone hopes I die.
I thought music was my only saving grace.
Except they magnify my issues to get paid.
I thought I had gained respect by my peers.
To turn out like them is my greatest fear.
I thought that drugs and alcohol were bad.
They turned out to be the only friends I had.
I thought I was afraid I'd be forgotten.
None left to remember me while I'm rotting.
Until 'Fuck You' showed your love.
I thought I had a good relationship.
All in vain, surely I'm not missed.
I thought you said you'd always be there.
'Whatever' was how much you really care.
I thought life was looking up for once.
Now lets coast back to hell for months.
I thought someone might have cared.
They are all in my head, I can't share.
I thought I'm nothing because I'm ugly.
It just makes it easier to fuck me.
I thought God really doesn't exist.
To still be alive, he must give a shit.
I thought of the world corrupt with lies.
Not all shit when everyone hopes I die.
I thought music was my only saving grace.
Except they magnify my issues to get paid.
I thought I had gained respect by my peers.
To turn out like them is my greatest fear.
I thought that drugs and alcohol were bad.
They turned out to be the only friends I had.
I thought I was afraid I'd be forgotten.
None left to remember me while I'm rotting.
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