14 illegal immigrants are we,
Striving for the land of the free.
4 Cubans on a raft,
Floated away as we laughed.
They would've been shot down by a nark,
But the raft was attacked by a shark.
10 of us left, listed in no order,
Will try crossing the American border.
Keally was the first: Short, thin and poor.
Whose father died on the float before.
He was mighty strong although thin,
Once killed a man for calling him a Mexican.
He loved the women a night at a time,
But he was too poor to keep them alive.
He dreams of having a newborn son,
If the love of his life will ever come.
All he wanted was the fame and glory,
So he made me put him in this story.
A Panthers shirt and a skirt he wore,
Because there was nothing left from the week before.
The next little Cuban went by Ivan.
He was quite the pimp and money he was striving.
He appeared to be white,
Supposedly dropped here one night.
His best employee Lisa was a pretty young lad,
Loved her a lot, more than his dad.
He lives his life in memory of her,
For he had never loved like that before.
He was so into the gold and chains,
That it made up for the lack of brains.
He wore the most expensive stuff,
But he could never get enough.
Max was the best of friend,
But didn't have a dollar to lend.
He had a thing about selling drugs,
In America he could fix the thugs.
It is a shame that he wasted his life,
And sold his soul for a knife.
He wore a black coat, long and ashy,
And where he got the pants: don't ask me.
His transportation was the oddest thing,
He had a bunch of wood tied with a string.
The next Cuban was Chris he was such a Jew.
It was hilarious how little he knew.
He flipped burgers in his hometown,
Claimed to make it perfectly brown.
He wore the same old uniform,
Roach infested, stained and torn.
He didn't have a float,
Dumb enough to think we gave him a boat.
He had about no self-esteem,
And when the liquor kicked in he was mean.
The next boy was called Elian.
His parents got him through by stealing.
Gonzalez I think was his last name,
All of 8 with this supposed fame.
He said he's done this once before,
But to be so young I'm not sure.
All we knew is that his parents died.
And when I wanted to switch rafts I was denied.
His was big, expensive and blue.
Why he wouldn't trade for my tire no one knew.
He dressed American but we all know he wasn't.
Supposedly he got the clothes from his cousin.
Brittany was the next brave soul.
The guys drooled over her since she was four.
She isn't a Cuban either but was left here.
One night when her parents were acting queer.
She dressed in a way this dump never seen.
If Cuba had standards it would be obscene.
She was always happy and quite the flirt.
But made everyone feel poorer than dirt.
She had the brains but didn't remember,
Her only raft was stolen in December.
If we had a queen she could take the throne.
Until then she has to share my old Firestone.
The next border jumper goes by Jesse.
With the multi-colored hair that's messy.
He is smart but very closed minded,
If he keeps dressing ghetto we'll all be blinded.
He would pretend he could dance and sing,
In the cardboard box he called home or something.
Sometimes he cries for his grave,
When he reflects back on when he was a slave.
He is hard headed enough to think he can swim,
So we'll just hope the waves don't suck him in.
The wisest of us all was a woman named Ms. Scott.
Not sure of the first name but Chris says she's hot.
She could make fun of all our flaws,
We just agreed since she knew it all.
She wasn't rich but could keep herself fed.
To live off 12 cents a day, she'd be dead.
She loved the job but hated the pay,
But isn't that what all teachers say?
She was quite the conservative dresser,
But Chris would die to impress her.
Like most she had an old tire to float,
So for once she couldn't gloat.
Next to last on our escapade was Charlie.
He could call his role model Bob Marley.
If he wasn't happy you knew,
He wasn't one to have angry with you.
He doesn't have a raft cause it might sink,
Just to fit on it he'd have to shrink.
Instead he grabbed a huge mobile home tire,
Right after his dumpy trailer caught fire.
He wore whatever he found that fit.
Like the same ripped pants perfectly split.
Well I am the loudest of us all,
I'm not short or skinny but not too tall.
I look like a terrorist with the wardrobe.
Many do in this new country, so I have hope.
Back when Ford Motor Company needed slaves to hire.
I stole a nice white letter before I got fired.
Now we are responsible for killing drivers,
Because of their cheap, separated tires.
I am bragging, for this was my plan.
Without me they would've all ran.
I am going to risk getting us all getting killed,
Avoid 200 soldiers with guns for a thrill.
85 miles from wire to wire,
Floating with some sexy stranger in my tire.
Plus 8 other people seeking new land,
To steal jobs from the American man.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Your Garbage - 5/29/03
I go unnoticed like the pennies in the fountain.
Strengths are gone, I can't climb this mountain.
Power is measured by our outer beauties,
Rather then our abilities to do our duties.
Status isn't about talent or ability,
That's just what money can do for me.
At least with no power your problems are mine.
Push it off on me and your life will be fine.
I am as disposable as the crushed soda can.
After being used by everyone known to man.
I'm down for the count, my hands are tied.
Whoever said life was worth living sure lied.
My glimpse of hope is what passed you by.
The person you avoid is all I have in life.
Abusing her is as sobering as a cold shower.
Cut your roots and wither like a flower.
This is your payback for what you've done.
You'll never forget me for being a no one.
All I need is the burning carcass smell.
Cause all you deserve is eternity in hell.
No more shit from your big redneck mouth.
And hell will become your new deep south.
You always thought you were invincible,
But someone is digging you a shallow hole.
Five souls at once was all you would play.
But you got six carrying your corpse today.
You spoiled fucks never learned to appreciate,
When living for yourself happiness is your fate.
Strengths are gone, I can't climb this mountain.
Power is measured by our outer beauties,
Rather then our abilities to do our duties.
Status isn't about talent or ability,
That's just what money can do for me.
At least with no power your problems are mine.
Push it off on me and your life will be fine.
I am as disposable as the crushed soda can.
After being used by everyone known to man.
I'm down for the count, my hands are tied.
Whoever said life was worth living sure lied.
My glimpse of hope is what passed you by.
The person you avoid is all I have in life.
Abusing her is as sobering as a cold shower.
Cut your roots and wither like a flower.
This is your payback for what you've done.
You'll never forget me for being a no one.
All I need is the burning carcass smell.
Cause all you deserve is eternity in hell.
No more shit from your big redneck mouth.
And hell will become your new deep south.
You always thought you were invincible,
But someone is digging you a shallow hole.
Five souls at once was all you would play.
But you got six carrying your corpse today.
You spoiled fucks never learned to appreciate,
When living for yourself happiness is your fate.
Hate Me - 5/20/03
I am out of reasons to live my life.
No future better then the edge of a knife.
I won't be standing at the pearly gates.
Eternity in hell with potential soul mates.
The girl who I really thought was the one,
Hates me for the things I haven't done.
The father that makes me lose sleep,
Hates me for the friends I can't keep.
The mother that I could see thru,
Hates me for not being just like you.
The sister supposedly always on my side,
Hates me and just wants me to die.
The friend who listens to what I say,
Hates me for being a friend today.
The United States, the home of the free,
Hates it because I can't just be me.
The window in my heart slams to a close.
Shattered like my cold heart that froze.
The void in my soul hasn't got any smaller,
As the task of living my life got taller.
My voices in my head are trying to settle.
So everyone can be inside free to meddle.
No future better then the edge of a knife.
I won't be standing at the pearly gates.
Eternity in hell with potential soul mates.
The girl who I really thought was the one,
Hates me for the things I haven't done.
The father that makes me lose sleep,
Hates me for the friends I can't keep.
The mother that I could see thru,
Hates me for not being just like you.
The sister supposedly always on my side,
Hates me and just wants me to die.
The friend who listens to what I say,
Hates me for being a friend today.
The United States, the home of the free,
Hates it because I can't just be me.
The window in my heart slams to a close.
Shattered like my cold heart that froze.
The void in my soul hasn't got any smaller,
As the task of living my life got taller.
My voices in my head are trying to settle.
So everyone can be inside free to meddle.
Posthumous - 5/11/03
By the time you read this I hope to be dead.
It's the only way to escape demons in my head.
Can I really blame you for what you've done?
With or without you I was always a no one.
No this isn't all your fault I guess.
Though you never got me out of this mess.
Why should I blame anyone else but myself?
For always being hidden on your shelf.
You missed your oppurtunity to apologize.
For killing me with all your bullshit lies.
I know you tried your best to help me out.
But I guess all of you cared except your mouth.
Through all this I can't make you understand,
This is best for me, you've done all you can.
I was always the greens pushed off your plate.
It's out of our hands, just leave it to fate.
I was told I'd never live to be a father,
It was so nice of you to try and bother.
My funeral will be as empty as your heart.
If I was so great you would all take part.
I'm sure if I had a soulmate she would care.
But all of my friends will never be there.
I never know my family will care maybe.
Just because of my life insurance money.
My death will not affect a so called friend.
It will be a relief that this is the end.
It's the only way to escape demons in my head.
Can I really blame you for what you've done?
With or without you I was always a no one.
No this isn't all your fault I guess.
Though you never got me out of this mess.
Why should I blame anyone else but myself?
For always being hidden on your shelf.
You missed your oppurtunity to apologize.
For killing me with all your bullshit lies.
I know you tried your best to help me out.
But I guess all of you cared except your mouth.
Through all this I can't make you understand,
This is best for me, you've done all you can.
I was always the greens pushed off your plate.
It's out of our hands, just leave it to fate.
I was told I'd never live to be a father,
It was so nice of you to try and bother.
My funeral will be as empty as your heart.
If I was so great you would all take part.
I'm sure if I had a soulmate she would care.
But all of my friends will never be there.
I never know my family will care maybe.
Just because of my life insurance money.
My death will not affect a so called friend.
It will be a relief that this is the end.
No Tomorrow - 5/3/03
Everyone says things get better.
And she only hurts if you let her.
The day will come when pain is gone.
And happiness won't be what I long.
Everything in life will be great.
There will be no one left to hate.
The clouds are going to break,
Life will be a piece of cake.
All this shit will be just fine,
Smell the roses, taste the wine.
Wash away all of my sorrow.
I will be happy on no tomorrow.
Oh how life will be fine again.
Just a glitch every now and then.
I can't wait to wake up and smile.
Just to enjoy being alive for a while.
No more death threats or notes.
Just friends lined up in rows.
And my relationships won't be so low.
I won't be stuck in my father's shadow.
There will be no one to follow.
Because I'm gonna be happy no tomorrow.
And she only hurts if you let her.
The day will come when pain is gone.
And happiness won't be what I long.
Everything in life will be great.
There will be no one left to hate.
The clouds are going to break,
Life will be a piece of cake.
All this shit will be just fine,
Smell the roses, taste the wine.
Wash away all of my sorrow.
I will be happy on no tomorrow.
Oh how life will be fine again.
Just a glitch every now and then.
I can't wait to wake up and smile.
Just to enjoy being alive for a while.
No more death threats or notes.
Just friends lined up in rows.
And my relationships won't be so low.
I won't be stuck in my father's shadow.
There will be no one to follow.
Because I'm gonna be happy no tomorrow.
Dear Whoever - 4/23/03
Dear God, if you have balls you'd show your face.
Dear Myself, what makes me such a disgrace?
Dear Satan, do I still have my soul to sell?
Dear Dad, don't let me drag you straight to hell.
Dear Mom, why fuck up a family for some dick?
Dear Mr. Bush, thanks for being such a prick.
Dear Television, must you corrupt the youth?
Dear Classmate, why are you always a douche?
Dear Sister, why disown me for not being cool?
Dear Me Again, why did I fail and become a fool?
Dear Cobain, your legacy lives although you don't.
Dear Wannabes, I hope to become all that you won't.
Dear School, why be dominated by look alike teens?
Dear Dope Dealer, be proud of your money by all means.
Dear Friend, to be closer stop using me for a start.
Dear Maggot, I love you for being a leech in my heart.
Dear Teresa, thanks for showing someone really cares.
Dear World, thanks for being here when all else fails.
Dear Myself, what makes me such a disgrace?
Dear Satan, do I still have my soul to sell?
Dear Dad, don't let me drag you straight to hell.
Dear Mom, why fuck up a family for some dick?
Dear Mr. Bush, thanks for being such a prick.
Dear Television, must you corrupt the youth?
Dear Classmate, why are you always a douche?
Dear Sister, why disown me for not being cool?
Dear Me Again, why did I fail and become a fool?
Dear Cobain, your legacy lives although you don't.
Dear Wannabes, I hope to become all that you won't.
Dear School, why be dominated by look alike teens?
Dear Dope Dealer, be proud of your money by all means.
Dear Friend, to be closer stop using me for a start.
Dear Maggot, I love you for being a leech in my heart.
Dear Teresa, thanks for showing someone really cares.
Dear World, thanks for being here when all else fails.
Wreck - 4/22/03
You know life is a waste,
When shit in your mouth is all you taste.
By the people who supposedly care,
The same ones who were never there.
To just be a friend, God i tried,
When they agreed, guess who lied?
I don't know what you did or said,
All I know is you fucked up my head.
Why is it you make me feel like nobody?
What did I say to make you hate me?
They love you one minute.
They hate you the next.
You fucked up my life.
I'm an emotional wreck.
Your words to me mean nothing at all.
So insincere they push me as I fall.
You wish this fall was far I bet.
Is the hundreth story tall enough yet?
Your actions hurt me even more.
Choke me again you abusive whore.
To get rid of me made your burden lighter.
You just pulled my noose a little tighter.
Your lack of concern shows you care.
Slits on my arms showed you weren't there.
Would you miss me if I was dead?
One less soul for you to tread.
Another day until nothing's left,
Just one more breath,
Closer to death.
When shit in your mouth is all you taste.
By the people who supposedly care,
The same ones who were never there.
To just be a friend, God i tried,
When they agreed, guess who lied?
I don't know what you did or said,
All I know is you fucked up my head.
Why is it you make me feel like nobody?
What did I say to make you hate me?
They love you one minute.
They hate you the next.
You fucked up my life.
I'm an emotional wreck.
Your words to me mean nothing at all.
So insincere they push me as I fall.
You wish this fall was far I bet.
Is the hundreth story tall enough yet?
Your actions hurt me even more.
Choke me again you abusive whore.
To get rid of me made your burden lighter.
You just pulled my noose a little tighter.
Your lack of concern shows you care.
Slits on my arms showed you weren't there.
Would you miss me if I was dead?
One less soul for you to tread.
Another day until nothing's left,
Just one more breath,
Closer to death.
HEROin - 4/19/03
I use you to get away from me.
I use you to set my body free.
I love you for this feeling inside.
I love you for keeping me high.
I need you to poke at my insides.
I need you to show I am still alive.
I respect you for making me numb.
I respect you for making me dumb.
I want a feeling of peaceful bliss.
I want a feeling of your warm kiss.
I depend on you to make me great.
I depend on you the one I hate.
I hate you for killing my soul.
I hate you for taking control.
I can't live this way for too long.
I can't live without you being gone.
I am faithful to my habit of you.
I am faithful to die of your truth.
I cry when I lose your evil touch.
I cry because you are my only crutch.
I plead for your forgiveness.
I plead my friends won't try this.
I stab myself to lose reality.
I stab myself but it's not free.
I killed myself for just one more shot.
I killed myself for becoming what I'm not.
I use you to set my body free.
I love you for this feeling inside.
I love you for keeping me high.
I need you to poke at my insides.
I need you to show I am still alive.
I respect you for making me numb.
I respect you for making me dumb.
I want a feeling of peaceful bliss.
I want a feeling of your warm kiss.
I depend on you to make me great.
I depend on you the one I hate.
I hate you for killing my soul.
I hate you for taking control.
I can't live this way for too long.
I can't live without you being gone.
I am faithful to my habit of you.
I am faithful to die of your truth.
I cry when I lose your evil touch.
I cry because you are my only crutch.
I plead for your forgiveness.
I plead my friends won't try this.
I stab myself to lose reality.
I stab myself but it's not free.
I killed myself for just one more shot.
I killed myself for becoming what I'm not.
Insomniac - 4/11/03
Every minute I am awake,
I am the person I really hate.
Every day I am still alive,
Lack of sleep makes me cry.
My dizzy head spins around,
In my demented thoughts I drown.
I crawl in my bleak reality now,
Eyes half shut, I don't know how.
Insomnia has got me by the balls.
Too tired to make my own calls.
I am crying because I am not dead.
The voices won't sleep in my head.
All the sheep I can not count.
While clawing my eyes in doubt.
Happiness I am not allowed.
Sleepy misery all I am endowed.
Seeing life cross-eyed again.
Pain goes away now and then.
Shown by the bags under my eyes,
Is my conscience and my lies.
I yawn more then I speak,
There are no words for me to keep.
I am the walking dead inside,
These bloodshot eyes can not hide.
I am the person I really hate.
Every day I am still alive,
Lack of sleep makes me cry.
My dizzy head spins around,
In my demented thoughts I drown.
I crawl in my bleak reality now,
Eyes half shut, I don't know how.
Insomnia has got me by the balls.
Too tired to make my own calls.
I am crying because I am not dead.
The voices won't sleep in my head.
All the sheep I can not count.
While clawing my eyes in doubt.
Happiness I am not allowed.
Sleepy misery all I am endowed.
Seeing life cross-eyed again.
Pain goes away now and then.
Shown by the bags under my eyes,
Is my conscience and my lies.
I yawn more then I speak,
There are no words for me to keep.
I am the walking dead inside,
These bloodshot eyes can not hide.
Disposable Friends - 4/6/03
What is a friend?
The same as a trend.
Cool for a week or two.
Or until they know you.
They are all the same.
Playing one giant game.
You can only be used around a few.
Only when someone thinks it's cool.
I'm just a waste of your breath.
Nice back then, now you want me dead.
I thought you were here forever?
Lasted so long it felt like never.
I was attached to your perfection,
But you and I were no connection.
Everything seemed as great as can be,
Until you saw right through me.
Kind of scary how you've changed.
Once so sweet, now so derranged.
I'm done needing you to talk.
The long silent road I will walk.
God damn me, I'm so dumb.
For knowing you I should be hung.
The same as a trend.
Cool for a week or two.
Or until they know you.
They are all the same.
Playing one giant game.
You can only be used around a few.
Only when someone thinks it's cool.
I'm just a waste of your breath.
Nice back then, now you want me dead.
I thought you were here forever?
Lasted so long it felt like never.
I was attached to your perfection,
But you and I were no connection.
Everything seemed as great as can be,
Until you saw right through me.
Kind of scary how you've changed.
Once so sweet, now so derranged.
I'm done needing you to talk.
The long silent road I will walk.
God damn me, I'm so dumb.
For knowing you I should be hung.
Negativity - 3/23/03
To all the girls that love their man,
With all their heart, the best they can.
Your boyfriend loves you more then you know,
He's sleeping with some other cheap ho.
For all the guys that care about their gals,
More then they do their first grade pals.
Your girl shows how much she cares at night,
Whoring around while you are out of sight.
To all the men out there becoming dads,
Never forget all the great times you had.
Just don't be surprised in another nine months,
To look in his eyes and know it's not your son.
For all the expecting mothers out there,
Make sure the father to be really does care.
Although your best friend got out of hand,
Her and your man had a one-night stand.
Maybe you will see love is a slap in the face,
When no one cares, everything was a waste.
Hind sight may well be twenty-twenty,
But you can't see your lover cheating plenty.
With all their heart, the best they can.
Your boyfriend loves you more then you know,
He's sleeping with some other cheap ho.
For all the guys that care about their gals,
More then they do their first grade pals.
Your girl shows how much she cares at night,
Whoring around while you are out of sight.
To all the men out there becoming dads,
Never forget all the great times you had.
Just don't be surprised in another nine months,
To look in his eyes and know it's not your son.
For all the expecting mothers out there,
Make sure the father to be really does care.
Although your best friend got out of hand,
Her and your man had a one-night stand.
Maybe you will see love is a slap in the face,
When no one cares, everything was a waste.
Hind sight may well be twenty-twenty,
But you can't see your lover cheating plenty.
So Sorry - 3/17/03
Why do you hate me, all of you sheep?
If I were you I probably couldn't sleep.
I'm sorry that I can't turn back,
From being my dad's mistake in the sack.
I'm sorry I'm not just like my father,
Too apathetic to care or even bother.
I'm sorry I couldn't turn out just like you,
Then conformity would actually make me cool.
I'm sorry that I can't be your kinda sleeze,
Instead I have to settle as your disease.
I'm sorry that I ever tried to be a friend,
The hand in your pocket you didn't extend.
I'm sorry I don't feel the need to love.
Love is blind, my hate for you will shove.
I'm sorry I don't pray to your God almighty.
I'm sorry you can't take my threats lightly.
I'm sorry that I'm not a beautiful person.
I'm sorry you use me and call me worthless.
I'm sorry I ever opened my mouth to speak.
I'm sorry I once again destroyed your week.
I'm sorry I wasn't killed on nine eleven,
To rot in hell 'cause God hates me in heaven.
I'm sorry I'm too blind to see.
I'm sorry for being free.
I'm sorry for being me.
I'm so fucking sorry.
If I were you I probably couldn't sleep.
I'm sorry that I can't turn back,
From being my dad's mistake in the sack.
I'm sorry I'm not just like my father,
Too apathetic to care or even bother.
I'm sorry I couldn't turn out just like you,
Then conformity would actually make me cool.
I'm sorry that I can't be your kinda sleeze,
Instead I have to settle as your disease.
I'm sorry that I ever tried to be a friend,
The hand in your pocket you didn't extend.
I'm sorry I don't feel the need to love.
Love is blind, my hate for you will shove.
I'm sorry I don't pray to your God almighty.
I'm sorry you can't take my threats lightly.
I'm sorry that I'm not a beautiful person.
I'm sorry you use me and call me worthless.
I'm sorry I ever opened my mouth to speak.
I'm sorry I once again destroyed your week.
I'm sorry I wasn't killed on nine eleven,
To rot in hell 'cause God hates me in heaven.
I'm sorry I'm too blind to see.
I'm sorry for being free.
I'm sorry for being me.
I'm so fucking sorry.
What Is Friend? - 2/28/03
Another long week is over,
I'm growing a little colder.
I've outgrown my current phase,
Just a fucked up boy these days.
Friends to pick me up when I'm down,
All but ????? left me here to drown.
Actually a few more but none care.
Just buddies who were never there.
What good are friends when they hide?
Oh well I'm ugly, but I haven't died.
If I had lots of money I'd have friends.
Or if I wore the gay preppy trends.
I'm just a castaway who people spit on.
One less mouth to feed when I'm gone.
It's nice to be uglier then you,
It makes you feel really fucken cool.
Let me crawl back in corner of hell.
Not good enough to come outta my shell.
Scum of the Earth doesn't find true love.
I'm someone else the beautiful can shove.
I feel the imprint of your hand on my face.
Too bad I'm such a god damned disgrace.
I'm growing a little colder.
I've outgrown my current phase,
Just a fucked up boy these days.
Friends to pick me up when I'm down,
All but ????? left me here to drown.
Actually a few more but none care.
Just buddies who were never there.
What good are friends when they hide?
Oh well I'm ugly, but I haven't died.
If I had lots of money I'd have friends.
Or if I wore the gay preppy trends.
I'm just a castaway who people spit on.
One less mouth to feed when I'm gone.
It's nice to be uglier then you,
It makes you feel really fucken cool.
Let me crawl back in corner of hell.
Not good enough to come outta my shell.
Scum of the Earth doesn't find true love.
I'm someone else the beautiful can shove.
I feel the imprint of your hand on my face.
Too bad I'm such a god damned disgrace.
Just Another Whore - 2/23/03
Just go ahead and let me down easy,
Because you can't say you don't need me.
I guess you were too good to be true.
When you stole my heart I shoulda knew.
Love means nothing to the heartless bitch.
And I never really learned until this shit.
Many girls like you, I'll meet plenty more.
You must just be another whore.
I wish I hadn't grown so attached.
Muchless ever met you, my supposed match.
I was part of your life for a month or so.
Now I'm a bad memory like the melting snow.
I hope you found happiness in your new man.
I tried not to piss you off the best I can.
Would've been nice if you were honest.
It's shitty inside whatever made you do this.
Love means nothing to the heartless bitch.
And I never really learned until this shit.
Many girls like you, I'll meet plenty more.
You must just be another whore.
With you I had the desire to move ahead.
Now I'm back at square one to wish for dead.
All you did was delay my suffering and pain.
Left this poor old beaten dog out in the rain.
I look in the mirror and I hate what I see.
It's the agony on my face you've put in me.
Wish I never lived to meet your evil ways.
Now I am left solo counting my last days.
I really thought you were unique and special.
Just your slap to my face was harder asshole.
Write your name and number on the bathroom wall.
While the red of my blood fills the next stall.
Love meant nothing to the lying bitch.
And now I see that after all of your shit.
Many girls like you, not going to meet anymore.
I'm killing myself before I meet another whore.
Because you can't say you don't need me.
I guess you were too good to be true.
When you stole my heart I shoulda knew.
Love means nothing to the heartless bitch.
And I never really learned until this shit.
Many girls like you, I'll meet plenty more.
You must just be another whore.
I wish I hadn't grown so attached.
Muchless ever met you, my supposed match.
I was part of your life for a month or so.
Now I'm a bad memory like the melting snow.
I hope you found happiness in your new man.
I tried not to piss you off the best I can.
Would've been nice if you were honest.
It's shitty inside whatever made you do this.
Love means nothing to the heartless bitch.
And I never really learned until this shit.
Many girls like you, I'll meet plenty more.
You must just be another whore.
With you I had the desire to move ahead.
Now I'm back at square one to wish for dead.
All you did was delay my suffering and pain.
Left this poor old beaten dog out in the rain.
I look in the mirror and I hate what I see.
It's the agony on my face you've put in me.
Wish I never lived to meet your evil ways.
Now I am left solo counting my last days.
I really thought you were unique and special.
Just your slap to my face was harder asshole.
Write your name and number on the bathroom wall.
While the red of my blood fills the next stall.
Love meant nothing to the lying bitch.
And now I see that after all of your shit.
Many girls like you, not going to meet anymore.
I'm killing myself before I meet another whore.
Wish You Were Mine - 2/10/03
'Hello Mister, are you my father?'
'Sure I am, why do you say that daughter?'
I've known you since you were only one.
While away from me your mom musta had fun.
Left here to raise an illegitimate child.
Since mom couldn't keep her pants on a while.
I love you like mine because of your mother.
Hell maybe you even have an unknown brother?
You are the most beautiful child on earth.
Just wish I was on the certificate at birth.
You'll be where I am now when I'm thirty three.
It's such a shame you look nothing like me.
I want to be there for my child's first steps.
But you're the closest to mine that I have left.
It tears me apart everytime you look and smile,
That your real dad didn't care about his child.
How will you feel to find your real dad in jail?
How much will it hurt knowing he never cared?
One day you'll be old enough to know the truth.
When your fake daddy hangs himself from the noose.
Because the wife that 'loved' him so very much,
Is pregnant again, no not by me, she don't give a fuck.
'Sure I am, why do you say that daughter?'
I've known you since you were only one.
While away from me your mom musta had fun.
Left here to raise an illegitimate child.
Since mom couldn't keep her pants on a while.
I love you like mine because of your mother.
Hell maybe you even have an unknown brother?
You are the most beautiful child on earth.
Just wish I was on the certificate at birth.
You'll be where I am now when I'm thirty three.
It's such a shame you look nothing like me.
I want to be there for my child's first steps.
But you're the closest to mine that I have left.
It tears me apart everytime you look and smile,
That your real dad didn't care about his child.
How will you feel to find your real dad in jail?
How much will it hurt knowing he never cared?
One day you'll be old enough to know the truth.
When your fake daddy hangs himself from the noose.
Because the wife that 'loved' him so very much,
Is pregnant again, no not by me, she don't give a fuck.
Thinking - 2/7/03
I thought I knew what a friend was.
Until 'Fuck You' showed your love.
I thought I had a good relationship.
All in vain, surely I'm not missed.
I thought you said you'd always be there.
'Whatever' was how much you really care.
I thought life was looking up for once.
Now lets coast back to hell for months.
I thought someone might have cared.
They are all in my head, I can't share.
I thought I'm nothing because I'm ugly.
It just makes it easier to fuck me.
I thought God really doesn't exist.
To still be alive, he must give a shit.
I thought of the world corrupt with lies.
Not all shit when everyone hopes I die.
I thought music was my only saving grace.
Except they magnify my issues to get paid.
I thought I had gained respect by my peers.
To turn out like them is my greatest fear.
I thought that drugs and alcohol were bad.
They turned out to be the only friends I had.
I thought I was afraid I'd be forgotten.
None left to remember me while I'm rotting.
Until 'Fuck You' showed your love.
I thought I had a good relationship.
All in vain, surely I'm not missed.
I thought you said you'd always be there.
'Whatever' was how much you really care.
I thought life was looking up for once.
Now lets coast back to hell for months.
I thought someone might have cared.
They are all in my head, I can't share.
I thought I'm nothing because I'm ugly.
It just makes it easier to fuck me.
I thought God really doesn't exist.
To still be alive, he must give a shit.
I thought of the world corrupt with lies.
Not all shit when everyone hopes I die.
I thought music was my only saving grace.
Except they magnify my issues to get paid.
I thought I had gained respect by my peers.
To turn out like them is my greatest fear.
I thought that drugs and alcohol were bad.
They turned out to be the only friends I had.
I thought I was afraid I'd be forgotten.
None left to remember me while I'm rotting.
Untouchable - 2/7/03
The power is in my hand, shaped like a fist.
This will be the closest you get to a kiss.
Pain is a temporary and all in your head.
Maybe you would feel mine if you were dead.
World versus me, I'm clearly outnumbered.
Nuclear dreams make for a peaceful slumber.
In my dreams you were hung from the tree,
Full of everyone who lives for conformity.
Who am I to have the power to kill you?
But you deserve this unlike Hitler's Jews.
Don't worry I can't kill, I love the pain.
There's nothing like living a life of shame.
This bleeding face hides under a layer of hair.
No one left to listen to what I have to share.
I'm not that different, just a neurotic cynic.
And you've stretched my sanity to the limits.
No mind to be raped,
No soul here to hate,
No heart left to break,
No love since age eight,
I learned to see how this life is so lame.
So lobsided sometimes, I hate this game.
I am not God, I am just another mistake.
But I'm not a terrorist for fuck's sake.
Threaten my family, question my identity.
Here is one thing you will soon see.
I don't care if no one is on my side.
Due to your displeasure, I WILL NEVER DIE!
This will be the closest you get to a kiss.
Pain is a temporary and all in your head.
Maybe you would feel mine if you were dead.
World versus me, I'm clearly outnumbered.
Nuclear dreams make for a peaceful slumber.
In my dreams you were hung from the tree,
Full of everyone who lives for conformity.
Who am I to have the power to kill you?
But you deserve this unlike Hitler's Jews.
Don't worry I can't kill, I love the pain.
There's nothing like living a life of shame.
This bleeding face hides under a layer of hair.
No one left to listen to what I have to share.
I'm not that different, just a neurotic cynic.
And you've stretched my sanity to the limits.
No mind to be raped,
No soul here to hate,
No heart left to break,
No love since age eight,
I learned to see how this life is so lame.
So lobsided sometimes, I hate this game.
I am not God, I am just another mistake.
But I'm not a terrorist for fuck's sake.
Threaten my family, question my identity.
Here is one thing you will soon see.
I don't care if no one is on my side.
Due to your displeasure, I WILL NEVER DIE!
Goodbye - 1/26/03
No feeling left in me to crack a smile.
So burn my flesh into a neat little pile.
I thought someone cared but guess again.
Just a faint flash of emotion now and then.
My teeth tremble because I could almost cry.
Bit the tongue, taste the blood, pray to die.
Say you love me so much, I love you more.
Just your beauty and heart I adored.
Something as round as you stabs so deep.
I'm too drunk that I can't help but to weep.
Eighteen years without love, it's been so long.
Haven't you ever loved and knew its wrong?
Another lonely day trapped in my own hell.
Just another day i woke up to live and tell.
Trying not to suck doesn't even get me paid.
Happy people don't put the smile on my face.
I am just another asshole, loser, and truant.
Just the excuse of why your life is ruined.
My life is a soundtrack to a horror thriller.
'Cause you think the innocent is the killer.
What did I do to deserve your hostility?
If there was a Jesus Christ he'd kill me.
Until then I will try to wish for the best.
Since I'm still failing my lifelong test.
So burn my flesh into a neat little pile.
I thought someone cared but guess again.
Just a faint flash of emotion now and then.
My teeth tremble because I could almost cry.
Bit the tongue, taste the blood, pray to die.
Say you love me so much, I love you more.
Just your beauty and heart I adored.
Something as round as you stabs so deep.
I'm too drunk that I can't help but to weep.
Eighteen years without love, it's been so long.
Haven't you ever loved and knew its wrong?
Another lonely day trapped in my own hell.
Just another day i woke up to live and tell.
Trying not to suck doesn't even get me paid.
Happy people don't put the smile on my face.
I am just another asshole, loser, and truant.
Just the excuse of why your life is ruined.
My life is a soundtrack to a horror thriller.
'Cause you think the innocent is the killer.
What did I do to deserve your hostility?
If there was a Jesus Christ he'd kill me.
Until then I will try to wish for the best.
Since I'm still failing my lifelong test.
I Have You - 1/3/03
Scrape me from this hell called the Earth.
I have sank lower then the dead at birth.
I have nothing more in life left to lose.
I have a gun or more pain, I can't choose.
I have living or dying, that i can't decide.
I have all these feelings I'm left to hide.
I have supposed friends that don't give a shit.
I have them all stare at me in my hellish pit.
I have lost emotions I wear on my sleeve.
I have no more secrets in me left to keep.
I have a broken family who is never there.
I have lost the will to live, but who cares?
I have a pretty leash on so I can be used.
I have been plenty far enough to pay my dues.
I have a label warning you to stay away.
I have a stamp saying go ahead, fuck me today.
I have you here for you to lead me on.
I have no one here to care when i'm gone.
I have melted the bright crayons in the box.
I have faded to as gray as the epitaph rocks.
I have you, my doubts and my insecurities.
I have nothing else left but my bad deeds.
I have to leave the rest of the world to die.
I have finished a complete life in my eyes.
I have sank lower then the dead at birth.
I have nothing more in life left to lose.
I have a gun or more pain, I can't choose.
I have living or dying, that i can't decide.
I have all these feelings I'm left to hide.
I have supposed friends that don't give a shit.
I have them all stare at me in my hellish pit.
I have lost emotions I wear on my sleeve.
I have no more secrets in me left to keep.
I have a broken family who is never there.
I have lost the will to live, but who cares?
I have a pretty leash on so I can be used.
I have been plenty far enough to pay my dues.
I have a label warning you to stay away.
I have a stamp saying go ahead, fuck me today.
I have you here for you to lead me on.
I have no one here to care when i'm gone.
I have melted the bright crayons in the box.
I have faded to as gray as the epitaph rocks.
I have you, my doubts and my insecurities.
I have nothing else left but my bad deeds.
I have to leave the rest of the world to die.
I have finished a complete life in my eyes.
Roulette - 12/22/02
A friendly game of russian roulette.
Problem is I'm 6 bullets in debt.
The fucker is loaded it's not a risk.
You are daring me to do this shit.
Nibbling on the barrel, take the bite.
I'm too weak to put up a fight.
Throat is choked up with a gun to my head.
Can't give you satisfaction of being dead.
There has to be more in life then this.
But can I live another day being pissed?
Is this the answer to my problems in life?
Or should I live to see another night?
Well I'm torn between life and death.
I'm not strong enough to pass this test.
You want me to put an end to this pain.
But I have nothing left to lose or gain.
It's a coin toss and my life is tails.
You'll have to wait to see if heads prevail.
Problem is I'm 6 bullets in debt.
The fucker is loaded it's not a risk.
You are daring me to do this shit.
Nibbling on the barrel, take the bite.
I'm too weak to put up a fight.
Throat is choked up with a gun to my head.
Can't give you satisfaction of being dead.
There has to be more in life then this.
But can I live another day being pissed?
Is this the answer to my problems in life?
Or should I live to see another night?
Well I'm torn between life and death.
I'm not strong enough to pass this test.
You want me to put an end to this pain.
But I have nothing left to lose or gain.
It's a coin toss and my life is tails.
You'll have to wait to see if heads prevail.
My Goodbyes - 12/21/02
Drops of rain slowly trickle down the window.
Just like my emotions, I've never been so low.
In my darkest hour you sure were there.
It's just too fucken bad you didn't care
The crashing of thunder soothes my nerves,
This life in hell must be what I deserved.
Pretend you could be bothered that's all I need.
I can feel the knife piercing me further indeed.
The power of lightning could take me away.
Maybe I never will live to see another day.
I once feared being forgotten when I died.
Now I realize no one would remember if I tried.
Life has already passed me by, I'm too weak.
So I'm digging myself a hole six feet deep.
I am out of friends and I'm out of hope.
If you want to know what to use, try a rope.
The weight on the gallows came from my shoulders.
Since I hoped you'd care as my corpse got older.
It is time to cross my heart and hope to die.
All this happiness has been a terrible lie.
Just like my emotions, I've never been so low.
In my darkest hour you sure were there.
It's just too fucken bad you didn't care
The crashing of thunder soothes my nerves,
This life in hell must be what I deserved.
Pretend you could be bothered that's all I need.
I can feel the knife piercing me further indeed.
The power of lightning could take me away.
Maybe I never will live to see another day.
I once feared being forgotten when I died.
Now I realize no one would remember if I tried.
Life has already passed me by, I'm too weak.
So I'm digging myself a hole six feet deep.
I am out of friends and I'm out of hope.
If you want to know what to use, try a rope.
The weight on the gallows came from my shoulders.
Since I hoped you'd care as my corpse got older.
It is time to cross my heart and hope to die.
All this happiness has been a terrible lie.
Where Is Your God? - 12/12/02
Tell your friends on earth.
They were accidents at birth.
Tell your god down in hell.
We have no souls to sell.
Tell your pocket it was right.
Money is the almighty one tonight.
We are the effigies that are living.
And ignorance is what we are giving.
But love your God, be a slave.
He is why your life is a waste.
Live to impress a harmless stranger.
And hate people who are the danger.
God loves us back at all times.
While he lets millions of us die.
God supposedly made the rope.
To kill us left with no more hope.
As we dangle lifeless for a while.
God can just sit back and smile.
The assholes God made was my demise.
But life after death is his surmise.
Another eternity of pain and shit.
Only maggots in my six foot pit.
Love God and go to church everyday.
Maybe you'll take longer to decay.
Slowly dying in bliss here i sit.
Wrists cut, God don't give a shit.
Another life in solitude can't be bad.
It's as good as the life I never had.
There is no life left to live for.
Find a new mother fucker to adore.
They were accidents at birth.
Tell your god down in hell.
We have no souls to sell.
Tell your pocket it was right.
Money is the almighty one tonight.
We are the effigies that are living.
And ignorance is what we are giving.
But love your God, be a slave.
He is why your life is a waste.
Live to impress a harmless stranger.
And hate people who are the danger.
God loves us back at all times.
While he lets millions of us die.
God supposedly made the rope.
To kill us left with no more hope.
As we dangle lifeless for a while.
God can just sit back and smile.
The assholes God made was my demise.
But life after death is his surmise.
Another eternity of pain and shit.
Only maggots in my six foot pit.
Love God and go to church everyday.
Maybe you'll take longer to decay.
Slowly dying in bliss here i sit.
Wrists cut, God don't give a shit.
Another life in solitude can't be bad.
It's as good as the life I never had.
There is no life left to live for.
Find a new mother fucker to adore.
Too Late - 11/24/02
Night after night I thought of you,
If you were here what we'd do.
Sleepless nights wishing you were mine.
Day after day telling me that it's fine.
Making promises that sounded really great.
For you to fulfill them I couldn't wait.
Don't know if we really had a chance,
God damn you couldn't keep on your pants.
You led me on like a mutt on a leash,
When misery is for sale I'll give you a piece.
But hey who am I to care?
It's just another scar I have to wear.
I know I've been dead inside for years,
But I'm too heartless to shed any tears.
Another day will go by and I can fake this smile.
While I think about people like you for a while.
If I only had a heart I might cry.
But it too is wishing I would die.
If I only could stop drowning in pity,
I would know why this existance is so shitty.
If I only was told what love meant,
Maybe my reality and hope wouldn't have went.
If I only knew how to show my feelings inside,
Maybe someone would be here so I could confide.
If I only knew that life could suck this way,
My maggot eaten soul wouldn't be decayed.
If I only knew someone that really cared,
This bullet in my head wouldn't have dared.
If you were here what we'd do.
Sleepless nights wishing you were mine.
Day after day telling me that it's fine.
Making promises that sounded really great.
For you to fulfill them I couldn't wait.
Don't know if we really had a chance,
God damn you couldn't keep on your pants.
You led me on like a mutt on a leash,
When misery is for sale I'll give you a piece.
But hey who am I to care?
It's just another scar I have to wear.
I know I've been dead inside for years,
But I'm too heartless to shed any tears.
Another day will go by and I can fake this smile.
While I think about people like you for a while.
If I only had a heart I might cry.
But it too is wishing I would die.
If I only could stop drowning in pity,
I would know why this existance is so shitty.
If I only was told what love meant,
Maybe my reality and hope wouldn't have went.
If I only knew how to show my feelings inside,
Maybe someone would be here so I could confide.
If I only knew that life could suck this way,
My maggot eaten soul wouldn't be decayed.
If I only knew someone that really cared,
This bullet in my head wouldn't have dared.
What I Am - 10/12/02
I am the everything you hate.
I am the poison on your plate.
I am the ugliest of a blind date.
I am the enemy you love to hate.
I am the car wreck that makes you wait.
I am the broken clock that made you late.
I am your unfaithful cheating mate.
I'll destroy you, I'm your fate.
I could be your backstabbing wife.
I could be the killer's knife.
I could be the war you'll fight.
I could be the thunderstorm at night.
I could be the stray dog that bites.
I could be the blinding light.
I could be the blind spot in your sight.
I could be wrong, but you're not right.
Like it or not, I'll take your life.
I'll send the virus that makes you ill.
I'll send the unknown prescription pill.
I'll send the fire against your will.
I'll send the time that stands still.
I'll send the infected ten dollar bill.
I'll send the avalanche down your hill.
I am your evil, get your fill.
Because I am the only one you can not kill.
I am the poison on your plate.
I am the ugliest of a blind date.
I am the enemy you love to hate.
I am the car wreck that makes you wait.
I am the broken clock that made you late.
I am your unfaithful cheating mate.
I'll destroy you, I'm your fate.
I could be your backstabbing wife.
I could be the killer's knife.
I could be the war you'll fight.
I could be the thunderstorm at night.
I could be the stray dog that bites.
I could be the blinding light.
I could be the blind spot in your sight.
I could be wrong, but you're not right.
Like it or not, I'll take your life.
I'll send the virus that makes you ill.
I'll send the unknown prescription pill.
I'll send the fire against your will.
I'll send the time that stands still.
I'll send the infected ten dollar bill.
I'll send the avalanche down your hill.
I am your evil, get your fill.
Because I am the only one you can not kill.
ET Kill Home - 9/6/02
Let us all compromise,
Until this fucked up world dies.
Then we can see our worth,
In this sewer called earth.
10 Billion crispy beings,
Yet none left with hard feelings.
The reporters that all said myth,
Were turned into a stream of bloody piss.
Payback for roaming their land,
Is them with the upper hand.
The dead should all be pleased,
Cause now we all got global peace.
Until this fucked up world dies.
Then we can see our worth,
In this sewer called earth.
10 Billion crispy beings,
Yet none left with hard feelings.
The reporters that all said myth,
Were turned into a stream of bloody piss.
Payback for roaming their land,
Is them with the upper hand.
The dead should all be pleased,
Cause now we all got global peace.
Dear Kim - 9/6/02
It's time to move on.
Walk off and shut the door.
This so-called love is gone.
To me you are just a whore.
Remember the crying fits?
When you thought I didn't care?
And your life wasn't worth two shits.
All the thoughts you wouldn't share.
Your friends knew more than I did.
Then they are nice enough to say
How I am the biggest dick.
Cause you didn't get shit your way.
Quit telling me you want to die.
Go get help; your life is a mess.
Cause life is all about getting high.
Why must you cost me all this stress?
You push all your shit in my face.
I give it back to you cause I see the lies.
Your turn to eat shit, how does it taste?
You live life just for the highs.
So I guess my words of wisdom are.
Maybe happiness is bought by money.
It'll take me to the cold Alaska afar.
Thinking about this wasted year will be funny.
Walk off and shut the door.
This so-called love is gone.
To me you are just a whore.
Remember the crying fits?
When you thought I didn't care?
And your life wasn't worth two shits.
All the thoughts you wouldn't share.
Your friends knew more than I did.
Then they are nice enough to say
How I am the biggest dick.
Cause you didn't get shit your way.
Quit telling me you want to die.
Go get help; your life is a mess.
Cause life is all about getting high.
Why must you cost me all this stress?
You push all your shit in my face.
I give it back to you cause I see the lies.
Your turn to eat shit, how does it taste?
You live life just for the highs.
So I guess my words of wisdom are.
Maybe happiness is bought by money.
It'll take me to the cold Alaska afar.
Thinking about this wasted year will be funny.
No One Hears Me - 9/6/02
Nothing left but shitty memories,
And joking about serious pleas.
All of my guilt, all of my cries,
Are covered in denial and lies.
Death is really all a big hoax,
After I realizes life is a joke.
I slaughtered the counting sheep,
In this, the suicidal sleep.
It was easier than killing the world,
But my shot was never heard.
Lying in a puddle of my mess,
it's too late to second guess.
Everyone who cared is gone,
Surely they have moved on.
Somewhere downin the ground,
You'll never hear another sound.
What was the last cry for help,
Was once again never felt.
And joking about serious pleas.
All of my guilt, all of my cries,
Are covered in denial and lies.
Death is really all a big hoax,
After I realizes life is a joke.
I slaughtered the counting sheep,
In this, the suicidal sleep.
It was easier than killing the world,
But my shot was never heard.
Lying in a puddle of my mess,
it's too late to second guess.
Everyone who cared is gone,
Surely they have moved on.
Somewhere downin the ground,
You'll never hear another sound.
What was the last cry for help,
Was once again never felt.
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